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Aging with Googlethanks for the memory
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | March 15, 2010
My son is now in college, but when he was in high school and he
complained about having to write papers, I would give him a stiff dose
of "Bah. When I was your age, there were no word processors. We
bought "White Out" correction fluid by the 55 gallon drum. We didn't
have the internet either." I was the last group of folks to go through
undergrad before the information age really got going on the desktop.
Three years after I graduated, my newlywed husband George and I had
a brand new 128K Macintosh. Today, many hundred times that amount
of memory fits on a cheap flashdrive. By the time I got to grad school,
my old Smith Corona typewriter was in the attic. "WWW" had been born
and was growing by the day.
Now, as I am in the last gasp of my 40s, I am so grateful that I will be able to age with Google. The
appearance of cognitive changes as one ages is a fact of life. The best way to adjust to them is to try to
have a sense of humor about one's lapses in memory. Of course organic brain disease, such as dementia,
is no laughing matter, and severe shifts in cognitive capacity should be checked out. (More information at
the end of this article.)
I am at the "missing word" stage now. According to most of my agemates, when we compare notes (and
when I remember their names), they are going through the same thing. When this started to happen a
couple years ago, I got worried. Then I read somewhere, "if you place your keys in the fridge once while
unloading groceries, it's normal absentmindedness. If you forget what keys are forthen it's time to go to the
doctor.
George, who is seven years older than I, has been coping with this for a while longer. It's so frustrating. But
thank God we have each other to fill in the blanksand we will both have Google.
A good example of this mental Swiss Cheese occurred a few months ago when George and I were driving
in the car. We were reminiscing about Boomer music, and the Rolling Stones came up. One of us
mentioned Mick Jagger. Then I asked, "What was the name of his first wife?" Dead silence. I could see her
face in my mind's eye. I remembered that she was a beautiful Nicaraguan and active in humanitarian and
social justice pursuits. But we were completely stumped. We sat there, befuddled, and just laughed and
laughed at our inability to pull up a name. I remembered that her name was an unusual one. Then George
remembered it started with a "B." About 10 seconds later he said, "I know! It's Binaca!" I reminded him that
Binaca was a spray for bad breath, but that was enough of a hint so I could retrieve it"It's Bianca!"
We laughed. And then I sang a familiar line from a Stones' lyric: What a Drag it is Getting Old.
�We were in the car, without internet access, so it took two brains with three college degrees and four tries to
pull up a piece of trivia that any Baby Boomer has known for over 30 years. This type of thing is happening
a couple times a week now. At home, we could go to Google and find it in two seconds. The other day, I
was trying to remember the name of the female lead in From Here to Eternity. I could see her lovely face
and her pretty blonde hair. I could envision her and Burt Lancaster in the famous beach scene. I could
even see her in another film dancing with Yul Brynner in The King and I. But there I wasslackjawed and
speechless. Of course, one click of Google, and I had herDeborah Kerr.
Genny Xers? You're next. Here's how you will know you're moving into this phase: the memory changes
that come with aging are like having to move from Fill in the Blank queries to Multiple Choice exams to
order to ace the tests. I couldn't come up with Deborah's name, but if I had a list to choose from of blondes
from that era: Debbie Reynolds, Doris Day, Shirley Jones or Deborah Kerr, I would know instantly.
So as long as this is happening anyway, I might as well count my three blessings:
1) I love aging in many ways. The "tip of the tongue" trouble aside, information recall is a bit slower, but I
have more wisdom every year. You can't Googleup good judgment or life experience.
2) I also have an auxiliary brain in the form of a life partner who's growing old with me. Most of the time,
between the two of us, what one of us can't recall, the other usually can.
3) But on those occasions when a computer is nearby, I am intensely grateful that I am in the lucky cohort
that is growing old with an amazing search engine that can help me turn a few wisps of key words into
instant memory.
Now. As long as I never forget the name of that search engine, I'll be OK. Let's see. Boggle? Drupal?
Tweeter? Oh oh. GEORGE, help!
Note: the genre of my creative writing is frequently humor. Changes in cognitive health, however, is a very
serious subject. The Alzheimer's Association webpage has a list of 10 symptoms of dementia onset and
does a good job of differentiating between the typical memory changes that I wrote about vs. those that
indicate the need for an evaluation. Check them out at:
http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_10_signs_of_alzheimers.asp
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<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
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Aging with Google--thanks for the memory
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I'm grateful I am aging in the era of Google, when a tip of the tongue hint can make for instant recall.
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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aging-google-thanks-memory
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March 15, 2010
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Angels Fly Coach
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | February 02, 2011
I meet the most amazing people on airplanes. Sometimes I get a
seatmate who's a dud, but most of the time the person I sit next to has
a story to tell and tells it. Airplanes are like confessionals. We're
seated at random with total strangers. My seatmate knows that the
likelihood of running into me again is extremely remote. I've been told
many times that I have "one of those faces," that people feel they can
tell their problems to. Several years ago, on an airplane, I heard the
best story I had ever heardor would likely ever hear again.
Fate seated me next to another mom, about my age. She was a
professional woman, just like me. She had a busy work life and
demanding responsibilities on the home front, just like me. We connected right away. She told me of her
work, and then she shared that she was the mom of a special needs kid. We started commiserating about
how hard it is to balance everything, and I asked her "What's your secret?" meaning, "How do you do it?" I
wasn't prepared for the answer; she literally told me her secret.
The truth was that she hadn't always "balanced everything." She had gone through a very, very dark time in
her life when everythingprofessionally and personallyflew apart. That was just half of her captivating
story. The most fascinating part was the story of her bosswho may have saved her lifewho will never get
public recognition for being the hero that she was.
My seatmatelet's call her Annwas parenting a child whose behavior was developmentally unusual. He
was meeting some of the benchmarks, but not others. He was a late talker. He didn't socialize well. He
had eccentric behaviors. Cognitively he was very bright, and he was physically healthy. But he was atypical
in ways that the daycare providers and the pediatrician couldn't quite put a finger on.
Family professionals who are reading this today are already way ahead of me; they're thinking "Autism
Spectrum Disorder (ASD)." As it turns out, that was the child's diagnosisit was a form of ASD called
Asperger's Syndrome. But when I heard this story about 15 years ago, the Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention had not launched their "Learn the Signs. Act Early." campaign. Higher functioning autism was
not on anyone's radar screen; even the pediatrician missed it. It was finally diagnosed by a specialist.
When Ann and her husband got the news, she "fell apart." She became suicidal and had to be hospitalized
for several weeks. She had all she could do to tell her bossand Ann felt as if this phone call was her last.
She couldn't see a way out. She was convinced that her lifeand her son's lifewere over.
Ann's bosslet's call her "Marge"pulled off an act of compassion that was aweinspiring. She told Ann to
"forget about work, forget about sick time, forget about anything other than getting well." Everyone always
�says things like this, don't they?"take all the time you need," is a favorite. In practice, however, workplace
forbearance seems to run out coincidentally about the same time that one's sick time does. Marge's
"policy handbook" was different. She told Ann that she'd "handle it." She instructed Ann that she was not
to talk to anyone from work during her absence.
Then, for several weeks, Marge did both jobsher own and Ann's. In a performance that could earn her an
Oscar, Marge manufactured a "cover story" for Ann's absence. I don't remember all the details today, but
Ann had the type of job that might plausibly involve working out of the area for a few weeks. Marge
convinced the workplace that Ann was tackling a special project offsite. During these weeks when Ann
was disabled, Marge did Ann's job to the point of ghost writing documents and filing reports for her. To the
workplace observer, it looked like Ann was hard at it.
When Ann emerged from her crisis and was ready to return to work, she dreaded showing up in the office.
She was sure that the stigma was permanent and her career torpedoed. Everyone would walk eggshells
around her. If she walked up to a gathering at the water cooler, she was sure that the group members
would say something polite and then scatter like cockroaches.
Then Marge told her the news: "Ann, you haven't been ill. You've been cranking out the paperwork the
whole time." Marge brought her up to speed and showed Ann all of the memos she had "written" from her
hospital bed. She coached her on everything that was done on her behalf, so she could make a seamless
reentry. Ann was stunned. She told her boss that there was no way she could come back and take credit
for work that Marge had been ghosting for weeks.
What did her boss say? "Annyou must never speak of this. You know why? Because if you did, think of
what would happen to me?" Ann was stuck. She was forced to become a coconspirator with her bossnot
to protect herselfbut to protect this selfsacrificing woman from the ramifications of skirting company
policy. Marge had no cold personnel regulations. There was no coworker gossip. No bureaucracy. No sick
leave. No short term disability. No doctor's verifications. No paper trail. The whole event was off the
books.
The end of this story is what Hollywood movies are made of. Ann enrolled her son in a special program,
and he got the crucial therapeutic intervention he deserved. At the moment Ann told me her story, her son
was progressing beautifully. They had every realistic hope that he would live a full life. But the shocking
twist to this story is what happened to Ann's boss. I mean, you can't even make this stuff up! About two
years after the incident, Marge was killed in a traffic accident. Marge took Ann's story to the grave, literally.
This is a nonfiction parable about ethical dilemmas, mental health stigmas and worklife policybut it's
primarily one of astonishing love. Marge took a heck of a professional risk. She workedaround company
policy and, who knows, might have even broken some laws. But Marge didn't see life through temporal
rules. All she could see was a colleague she loved dearly who was facing a lifethreatening emergency.
Marge knew that Ann was temporarily fragile. If she had been "outed" in the workplace, it could be the final
blow that pushed her over the edge. Marge had an ironclad faith that Ann would recover and become all
she had been and more. The work got done. And Ann got well.
No one other than Ann's family will ever know about Marge and her unsung heroism, except for a stranger
on an airplane and now, years later, the readership of the stranger's blog.
The moral of the story is divine and selfevident. At 30,000 feet, I may have been brushed by the wings of a
real angel. But the practical lesson I learned from Ann is this: ever since, when I've been on an airplane and
my seatmate starts to make small talk, I put away the Skymall catalog and listen. It's the least I can do to
honor Marge.
Epilogue:
�It used to be that when infants and small children were developing slightly atypically, many educators and
health providers took a "wait and see" approach. We know that children grow on their own timetables, and
we resisted the possibility that we could alarm a parent unnecessarily.
This is no longer best practice. Autism Spectrum Disorders and other developmental problems are best
identified early to ensure the child has access to therapies during critical developmental stages. For
example, if an infant is slow to make eye contact, or if a toddler is not pointing at things of interest, it's best
to refer the parent to a pediatrician to be sure. Check out the CDC's Learn the SignsAct Early Campaign.
http://cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/actearly/
In addition, I will disclose that although Ann's story is true, I changed all identifying details in her life to
ensure that neither she nor Marge would ever be identified.
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Title
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N equals 1 blog
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n-equals-1
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<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
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Angels Fly Coach
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I believe one day I was brushed by an angel.
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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angels-fly-coach-0
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February 02, 2011
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AttenTION! Military Children and Frequent Moves: an
Issue that Needs More Awareness
By Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | April 08, 2009
April is Military Child month. Awareness of the special needs of children with parents in the Armed Services
is burgeoning, as it should be. However, it seems that the research and human services information
available is largely focused on parental deployment or helping children cope with war. What seems to get
short shrift are the more commonplace concerns facing Military Kids. Even in nonwartime, a very frequent
aspect of military life is the problem of frequent moves. Not only do the repeated uprootings affect children
and peer relationships, another difficulty is ensuring educational continuity.
Although I am not a child raised in the military, I lived in five houses before I left for college. During the
transition from eighth to ninth grade, I completely missed Geography. In the first school, it was offered
in ninth grade. In the second school, it was taught in eighth grade. Whatever I know about Geography
(which is not impressive) I've had to pick up on my own. I'm sure that children of migrant workers also find
themselves in a similar predicament.
In this blog, I have a guest coblogger, my friend Debra Lu Kaiser, "Lu." She spent her whole childhood as
a Military Child; she moved 11 times before she graduated from High School. When Lu and I were children,
there was no internetno Facebookno easy way to stay in touch with friends. With the other issues, there
was little appreciation for the child's grief and the effect of repeated educational interruptions they faced.
The conventional wisdom was that "kids are resilient, they'll adjust." Children relocating in the military life
were and still are also dropped into other countries, with no familiarity of the local language and culture.
The U.S. Army now has a website for the support of Military Children at:
http://www.operationmilitarykids.org/public/home.aspx . They list a resource for teachers of Military
Children, https://www.operationmilitarykids.org/resources/ToughTopics%20BookletFINAL.pdf but again, the
bulk of the information is related to wartime. In doing research on this blog, I found a disappointing paucity
of information on "Kids and Frequent Moving." I contacted one of our NCFR members who is an expert on
Military Families. Finally! Dr. Shelley MacDermid Wadsworth of Purdue's Military Family Research Institute
(http://www.mfri.purdue.edu) provided a rich bibliography on children and geographic mobility to consult. I
will add it at the end of this blog.
Nothing beats first person experience for raising awareness. And now I introduce my friend, Lu, of State
College, Pennsylvania who shares her memoir for which I am grateful.
***
The Wanderer: Life as Military Child
By Debra Lu Kaiser
�I was born in Biloxi, Mississippi. My father was an Army man of just a year at that time. The next few years
of my life we lived in Prum, Germany. Then it was back to the U.S. My mother was pregnant with my
brother at the time we flew back. It was illegal for a pregnant military wife to fly, so my brother flew home
illegally before he was even born!
My father then enlisted in the Air Force when his Army duty ended. As we visited my grandmother in
Nebraska, she was charmed with the way I said "Auf Wiedersehen." That simple German word for goodbye
defined much of my life from then on. We went to California to get settled, then to Wichita Falls, Texas for
my dad's training; then back to California for his assignment.
The very first clear memory I have is wandering lost among the Texas weeds that were taller than my three
year old body. My next memory was getting lost trying to find my way home from school the first day of
Kindergarten. Interestingly, these earliest memories formed a metaphor for my childhood.
My brother was born in Lompoc, California in 1961. We then had to return to Biloxi, Mississippi. I hated
moving from California after making my first childhood friends there; it was very traumatic. In Mississippi I
was the "northerner," abused by my teacher and made an object of ridicule when I was forced to stand in
front of the class because I fanned myself with a sheet of paper like the rest of the class was doing on that
hot day. I was punished for not bringing enough paper to class and for asking questions which she thought
were stupid.
Because of my frequent moves and the curricular inconsistencies across schools, I had missed some
important concepts such as multiplication and division which my parents had to teach me. My parents
pulled me out of that school because of the teacher's prejudicial abuse, and I went to a Catholic school for a
little while. My father had to teach me math in Biloxi. I still have math anxiety to this day due to learning
under extreme stress. We all, as a family, had a miserable time adjusting. I remember being very
depressed, and my mother had a big birthday party to cheer me up. There were all of the neighborhood
children gathered around the tableabsolutely none of them whom I knew.
Then we moved to Rapid City, South Dakota, where we made igloos in the snow. A bully tore down our
igloo once, but we were resilient kids. We rebuilt our masterpiece of architectureanother metaphor for my
childhood. I learned to connect to groups of children there.
Next, we moved to Omaha, Nebraska, where I went to the same school my mother did when she was a
child. Ironically, in perhaps the only example of educational continuity, I even had the same teacher for sixth
grade cursive writing that my mother did! My father was in Vietnam for a year and a half while we lived in
Omaha. It was hard on my mother, brother and me without him. I cleaned tables, served food, and washed
dishes in the cafeteria to earn my lunch each day. Then, when he returned, we went to a cottage in New
Jersey for a month in between assignments and relaxed. It was strange having a father again after all that
time without him; it was good to have that time together.
My brother and I had become best friendswe were each other's only consistent playmate. We left for
Germany again in 1969. By then, at age 12, I had mastered how to recognize the types of people I thought
there were in the world. There were the clowns and troublemakers, the smart kids, the popular kids, and the
outsiders. I was one of the excluded ones, because I was always the new kid. I was accepted into the
society of marginalized children more readily than to any other group, so I made some very good friends of
many nationalities. I matured fairly rapidly, and learned very quickly to discern between those who "acted"
as if they were my friendand those who were genuine. Looking back, I had become a Sociologist by
default. Hahn Air Force Base Germany had "on base" housing, but we lived in the civilian economy in a
German town called Kirchberg for a year and a half. Due to the language barrier, my brother and I were
each other's only playmates once again. Then we moved on base, and I finally had friends. When I went
into eleventh grade, I lived in a dorm in Wiesbaden, Germany. That only lasted for a few weeks, but I loved
the taste of freedom from my parents.
�When I was 16, we moved to Tacoma, Washington. For the next year I attended school there, and made
one very close friend and a nice group of buddies. I had friends from each group, the musicians,
intellectuals, cheerleaders, etc..., and remember sitting with different groups at lunch. I didn't seem to settle
down to just one group, because they were all interesting to me. I joined clubs for the first time; the science
club, the archery club, drama club, the pep club and I tried out for cheerleading. I had my second job then,
working for the superintendant of schools, doing mapping and some typing. It was amazing that I
graduated from High School with good grades after all of those moves!
As an adult, I wandered about every two years, even when I was living in the same town! In relationships, I
also continued the familiar pattern. If I got bored with one, then I would "move on" to another. I ended up
with a Sociology degree after attending three different collegeschanging schools again and again well into
adulthood.
As a "military brat," I have tendencies that are so common among us. Until I married, I moved frequently
and gave in to my wanderlust at will. My jobhopping resume looked as if I were a "jack of all trades but
master of none."
Now, I indulge in the fact that my Sociologist husband loves to travel, and we can plan an adventure
together. There is a nice feeling of having a "home base," but I've never had any illusions about home. My
family and my friends are my home. Music and painting are my sanctuaries, where I can travel anywhere in
my imagination. I've made friends, slowly and steadily. I have registered at MilitaryBrat.com, and I highly
recommend it for military children who have been involuntary wanderers like me. I have been able to
connect with others from my past. A friend of mine tells me that there are military children groups on
Facebook as well.
Are you a former military child who has struggled as a result of the frequent moves required of family life in
the military? You are not alone, fellow wanderer. Finding your "home" is possible; the word Auf
Weidersehen no longer defines who I am.
***
Thank you, Lu, for your moving story. Now, as promised, here is the bibliography that Dr. MacDermid
Wadsworth shared with me. Do you have information about Military Kids and their geographic mobility?
Please leave a comment at the end of this blog.
References: Effects of Geographic Mobility or Relocation on Children and
Youth: Military
Bowen, G. L. (1989). Family adaptation to relocation: An empirical analysis of family stressors, adaptive
resources, and sense of coherence. Alexandria, VA: U.S. Army Research Institute.
Brown, A.C., & Orthner, D.K. (1990). Relocation and personal wellbeing among early adolescents.
Journal of Early Adolescence, 10, 366381.
Croan, G.M., LeVine, C.T., & Blankinship, D.A. (1991). Family adjustment to relocation. Alexandria, VA:
U.S. Army Research Institute.
Finkel, L.B., Kelley, M.L. & Ashby, J. (2003). Geopgraphic mobility, family, and maternal variables as
related to the psychosocial adjustment of military children. Military Medicine, 168, 10191024.
Giuliano, S.A. (1988). The impact of permanent change of station moves on Air Force enlisted family
income for avionics and nonavionics personnel. WrightPatterson AFB, Ohio: Air Force Institute of
Technology (AFIT/GCA/LSY/88S4).
�Keller, M.M., Schwartz, S., & Taylor, H.G. (2001). U.S. Army Secondary Education Transition Study
(SETS), Harker Heights, TX: The Military Child Education Coalition.
Marchant, K.H., & Medway, F.J. (1987). Adjustment and achievement associated with mobility in military
families. Psychology in the Schools, 24, 289294.
Orthner, D.K., Giddings, M.M., & Quinn, W.H. (1989). Growing up in an organization family. In G.L. Bowen
& D.K. Orthner (Eds.), The organization family (pp. 117139). New York: Praeger.
Pittman & Bowen (1994). Adolescents on the move: Adjustment to family relocation. Youth and Society,
26, 6991.
Shaw, J.B., Fisher, C.D., & Woodman, R.W. (1983a). A predictive model of transfer adjustment in the U.S.
Marine Corps. Prepared for Office of Naval Research, Report #1, Texas A&M University .
Shaw, J.B., Fisher, C.D., & Woodman, R.W. (1983b). Attitudes toward making a transfer: Factors related
to reenlistment intentions, overall satisfaction, attitude toward future moves, and an analysis of qualitative
data relevant to transfer attitudes. Prepared for Office of Naval Research, Report #5, Texas A&M
University.
Shaw, J.B., Fisher, C.D., & Woodman, R.W. (1985a). Predictors of transfer adjustment: A longitudinal
study. Prepared for Office of Naval Research, Report #7, Texas A&M University.
Shaw, J.B., Fisher, C.D., & Woodman, R.W. (1985b). Making a transfer: An analysis of qualitative data
relevant to transfer attitudes and adjustment. Prepared for Office of Naval Research, Report #9, Texas
A&M University.
Shinseki, E. K. (2000). United States Army Secondary Education Transition Study (SETS). Arlington, VA:
Military Family Resource Center.
Weber, G.E. (2005). Geographic relocation frequency, resilience, and military adolescent behavior. Military
Medicine, 170, 638642.
References: Effects of Geographic Mobility or Relocation on Children and
Youth: Civilian
Cornille, T.A. (1993). Support systems and the relocation process of children and families. Marriage &
family Review, 19, 281298.
Fenzel, L. M. (1989). Role strain in early adolescence: A model for investigating school transition stress.
Journal of Early Adolescence, 9, 1333.
Hango, D. W. (2006). The longterm effect of childhood residential mobility on educational attainment. The
sociological Quarterly 47, 631664.
Heinlein, L.M. & Shinn, M. (2000). School mobility and student achievement in an urban setting.
Psychology in the Schools, 37, 349357.
Malmgren, K. W., & Gagnon, J.C. (2005). School mobility and students with emotional disturbance.
Journal of Child and Family studies, 14, 299312.
Pettit, B. (2004). Moving and children's social connections: Neighborhood context and the consequences
of moving for lowincome families. Sociological Forum, 19, 285311.
Raviv, A., Keinan, G., Abazon, Y., & Raviv, A. (1990). Moving as a stressful life event for adolescents.
Journal of Community Psychology, 18, 130140.
�Scanlon E., & Devine, K. (2001). Residential mobility and youth wellbeing: Research, policy, and practice
issues. Journal of Sociology and Social Welfare, 28, 119138.
South, S. J. & Haynie, D.L. Friendship networks of mobile adolescents. Social Forces, 83, 315350.
South, S., Haynie, D.L., Bose, S. (2007). Student mobility and school dropout. Social Science Research
36, 6894.
Stroh, L. K. & Brett, J. M. (1990a). Corporate mobility: After the move, what do the children think?
Children's Environments Quarterly, 7, 714.
Stroh, L. K. & Brett, J. M. (1990b). Corporate mobility: Parents' perspectives on adjustment. Children's
Environments Quarterly, 7, 714.
Tooley, K. (1970). The role of geographic mobility in some adjustment problems of children and families.
Journal of the American Academic of Child Psychiatry, 9, 366378.
Tucker, C., J., Marx, J. & Long, L. (1998). "Moving On": Residential mobility and children's school lives.
Sociology of Education, 71 111129.
Vernberg. E.M., Greenhoot, A.F., & Biggs, B.K. (2006). Intercommunity relocation and adolescent
friendships: Who struggles and why? Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74, 511523.
Share your thoughts
Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2013 9:40pm.
My story sounds exactly like yours :) I was born in Biloxi Mississippi and my father was stationed in Omaha,
Sembach AFB Germany and AFCENT in Holland (amongst other places). I also relied on my brother to always be
my friend when all others had to be tried and tested, and sometimes those tests went longer than our being
stationed there. I am typing a paper that touches on some behaviors I have now that have stemmed from so many
years of being the new kid.
I've been in Knoxville TN now for 15 years but I have moved 8 times within the city, but I've been at my current
address for a big 4 years now! :)
Thank you for what you wrote.
Tresa
Posted by Anonymous | March 29, 2014 6:59am.
You are welcome Tresa! It feels great to know that there are such wonderful and positive aspects of being a
natural adventurer as an adult! Thank you for your post and I am sorry that it took for me to stop by and see it!
Posted by Anonymous | June 11, 2013 9:11am.
I was not a military brat. But like a military brat I grew up relocating many many times during my childhood. I am
now in my 40’s and am still working out issues that were created with these frequent moves. The main one is that I
tend to not make friends easily because I fell into a pattern, very early, of keeping my distance to avoid the loss I
would have to deal with later. I have been in the same home and job for the last 15 years but find it difficult to break
out of the rut I created as a child of not letting people in. If anyone has any guidance that they can offer me with
this, I would appreciate it.
�Posted by Anonymous | July 17, 2013 7:02am.
I am a "military brat". I am also in my 40s. I have a very similar situation. I have a very hard time "letting people
in" for the same reasons. I learned that with moving every few years, it was easier to not get to close because
the hurt of losing friends was so great. Unfortunately, that behavior has become part of me, even to this day.
Though I do have friends, I really only have one I consider a true friend. The others are "expendable", but lovely
nonetheless,
and though I am glad they are in my life, I would still be able to walk away without being hurt too badly.
My childhood was also compounded by the fact that I was an only child, so I had no builtin playmates. Every
move, every new school, every situation, I was on my own. I was born in Germany, then moved to states, then
back to germany, then back to states... etc.. I do think though that I am a stronger person for it. I am definately
not a "follower" and I know that no matter what I can handle any situation myself. I have been in the same
house now for 13 years, same job for 17 years, but I still have this incredible urge to just pack up and relocate. I
am really looking forward to retirement. I plan on not staying in one place too long. Thankfully my husband
keeps me grounded, or I would truly just be a wanderer. And, having kids of my own, I would not put them
through what my childhood was like. But..retirement...wandering is in my near future! YES!..
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Title
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n-equals-1
Description
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<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
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AttenTION! Military Children and Frequent Moves: an Issue that Needs More Awareness
Description
An account of the resource
April is Military Child month.Awareness of the special needs of children with parents in the Armed Services is burgeoning, as it should be. However, it seems that the research and human services information available is largely focused on parental deployment or helping children cope with war. What seems to get short shrift are the more commonplace concerns facing Military Kids such as the effects of frequent moves on children.
Creator
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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attention-military-children-and-frequent-moves-issue-needs-more-awareness
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April 08, 2009
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https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/946d21ca7ebec826f71e92de7a59d386.pdf
2ab48d62c1533dcabe272e35c4dbd106
PDF Text
Text
Aunt Alma's Donuts
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | July 01, 2009
It's the holiday weekend. Many will be spending time with their families. In honor of family, I'd like to share
something really specialthe recipe for my Aunt Alma's donuts.
These donuts are a cardiologist's nightmare, but there is no better donut in the known universe. But
they are part of all that was good in my childhood.
Back in 1996, Aunt Alma was getting along in years and living in a long term care facility. I drove 300 miles,
in part, to hear some family memoriesand to see if I could leave with her donut recipe. She rattled it off
faster than I could write. Aunt Alma has now passed on. But I hope this recipe lives on forever. Now I will
share it with you.
Aunt Alma's donuts
2 ½ cups white sugar
1 cup cream
beat these thoroughly and set aside
In another bowl, beat
4 eggs
½ tsp nutmeg
2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
Mix together all of the above.
Then add "enough flour to roll" (about 8 cups)
Fashion into ropes and then a circle or use a donut cutter
Deep fry in lard
Most dieticians will tell you that an occasional donutfor those in good health and in the context of a well
balanced dietis OK.
� So, after you've had a complete diagnostic workup, and have your doctor's blessing and your portable
defibrillator is tunedup, make and enjoy this wonderful donut. It's heaven in the shape of an "O."
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Title
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N equals 1 blog
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n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
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Aunt Alma's Donuts
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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aunt-almas-donuts
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July 01, 2009
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https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/929e6dd8ed2a0818d69cb3297e83b532.pdf
dedf6868444b22fdbe0897cfaa6c9078
PDF Text
Text
Being Absolutely Nobody
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | March 02, 2009
This past week, a local writer passed awayBill Holm. He had a gift for
recognizing the prosaic as transcendent. One of the topics he wrote
about was "failure." He tried his luck making a go of life in more exotic
locales, but he ended up settling in his childhood hometownMinneota,
Minnesota. As if an example of another failure, even the name of his
town looks like a typo.
He wrote a couple of wonderful books which I own. Unfortunately, due
to my failing, I can locate only one of them today in my messy,
disorganized home library among its hundreds of books. He wrote one
called The Heart Can Be Filled Anywhere on Earth. The title of this
book sums up its entire thesis. Those of us from humble small towns
and not some toney SoHo lofthave a keen sense of inferiority. We are
not only "out of it"... we don't know what "it" is.
Bill Holm made the point that Minneota [miniOHdah] is just as cool a
place to live as SoHo. The Holm book I could locate on this Sunday
afternoon is called Prairie Days. He describes the richness of small
town Minnesota. However, he "puts it out there" and names the problem
that has a namefailure. Being absolutely nobody. Although he uses a specific Minneota pioneer family as
an example, he writes about all of the loser Eleanor Rigbys on earth... Where do they all come from? Many
from rural Minnesota... as I do.
One person who will go down in history as a nobody was my grandmother. Scratch that. She won't go down
in history at all. She was born in 1903, spent almost her entire life in a small northern Minnesota town, and
died about 15 years ago. She married a farmer in that small town, and raised two daughters (one of whom
was my mother, in a ramshackle farmhouse. It did not have central heat and they never owned a phone.
There was no bathtub, and when I was little, she would heat water on her cast iron wood stove, very similar
to this one http://oldfolkstreasuretrove.com/blog/wpcontent/uploads/2008/11/woodcookstove.jpg and bathe
me in a galvanized washtub. Her washing machine had an electric agitator, but the "spin cycle" was a
wringer that looked exactly like this. http://blogs.families.com/media/133380495M.jpg. She had no clothes
dryerjust clotheslines stretched across a back porch.
Now here's the hard part to say, but it's trueshe wasn't very bright. And she would fit Bill Holm's
assessment of the world's definition of "failure"an absolute nobody. She had an eighth grade education,
and I'm sure she didn't set the world on fire there. She never learned to drive. She was a good seamstress,
and she made terrific cookies though. She used Depression era kitchen utensils that looked exactly like
this. http://i2.iofferphoto.com/img/item/423/338/51/16b6_1.JPG
�The frustration for me was that there was just no engaging her in any meaningful conversation beyond
minutiae. I'm sure she never saw a major newspaper. Her vocabulary was stunted. Beginning when I was
about 11 or 12, I could think rings around her. My grandfather, although kind, was miserly. He gave
Grandma a paltry allowance to run the household, which I didn't question then, but now, as a feminist,
makes me apoplectic. He would drive her to town once a week so that she could do her shopping. Those
trips, and going to church, were pretty much her only contact with the outside world.
When I went off to college, I studied psychology. She never did understand that I wasn't in a nursing
program. In Grandma's mind, there were three occupations for women: nursing, teaching and secretarial
work. She figured out that I wasn't pursing the last two so, in her mind, "nursing" was my major. I finally
gave up trying to clarify it for her. When she asked how my "nursing program" was going, I just said "Fine."
Along the way, I recognized Grandma's nature described when I heard the term "poverty of ideas." I loved
her dearly, but I couldn't connect with her once I hit adolescence.
But what I'd do to have her back and spend days and days with her as a child again!
From where I am now, I wouldn't be impatient and bored with her inability to wax poetic on the meaning of
life. I'd be enamored with her simplicity. Grandma would wait for my family to visit every Sunday. We didn't
come every Sunday, of course, but now I know she must have longed to see us every week. When we
drove into the farmyard, her face would often be there in the front room window, looking for us. Fresh
cookies were always waiting. When it came time to leave, she would motion for us kids to come over to her,
and she would take out her little coin purse. She would give each of my siblings and me 25 cents which,
even in 1970s dollars, wasn't much. What I know now was that 25 cents would be coming out of her
meager allowancea whole dollar for four kids.
Bill Holm helped me to see that Grandma was anything but a nobody. When my mother died, and I was
going through Mom's things, I came across a small paperback songbook called Rubies of Rapture and
Redemption that was worn and yellowed with age. I was about to toss it out, and then a small piece of
paper fell out of it. It was my mom's handwriting, and here's what it says,
"I remember my mother ordering this book about 1940. When she was alone, she would sing. Grandma
Selma truly loved God. [ ] Grandma treasured this book. Someone please take it and treasure it too. Mom
Jean"
I started to cry. I had no idea; I had never heard Grandma sing a note. I know she couldn't read music. And
guess what the price was? Yup25 cents.
The note penetrated my heart in a couple of ways; my mother and I had a thorny relationship. Mom's note
implies that, in recognizing this humble act of a simple woman, my mother may have had some depth and
warmth that I couldn't see. Mostly, I cannot look at this book without getting choked upand feeling
profoundly ashamed. Visualize a smarty pants college student, impatient with her grandmother's
unsophisticated "poverty of ideas." [Wince] While smarty pants was studying at a major university,
contemplating Jungian thought, Grandma was stealing away into a corner for a few minutes, between her
many farmwife duties, to sing hymns of praise to her creator.
Compared to Grandma, I am the failure. When I think that privileged people spend good money for spiritual
retreats in minimalist hermitages, I am dumbfounded that Grandma's house was the idyllic ascetic
experienceand I never knew what I had.
I have Grandma's old kitchen utensils.... as well as the original wringer from her vintage washer, which is on
display in my laundry room. I have precious memories and, now, the true definition of success. And I have
her dilapidated hymnal, which I will treasure always. GrandmaI found your notes in the margin near only
one hymn, Blessed Assurance. [smile] That's one of my favorite hymns too. Photos of her hymnal, and my
mother's note, are below.
�
Grandma's 25 cent mail order hymnal
as I was about to throw it away.
My mother's "treasure this" note that fell out of the book,
Epilogue: Just a couple of other amazing ironies... Bill Holm was a friend of Garrison Keillor, who as we all
know brings our "dull" Lake Wobegon existence to a world audience that apparently finds it interesting each
week on NPR's A Prairie Home Companion. And Bob Dylan is from northern Minnesota, like Grandma and
I are. He had an influence on and a friendship with the Beatles who, yes, gave us Eleanor Rigby.
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Title
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n-equals-1
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<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
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Being Absolutely Nobody
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My grandmother--she was a "nobody"--two generations from now, she will be forgotten except in vital records. Oh how I wish I had her back.
Creator
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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being-absolutely-nobody
Date
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March 02, 2009
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https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/4a6dc7a628fd90b1f7cb959c771b0120.pdf
ed32e5e250e3f173fb274af51aa70810
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Bless the Beasts and the Children
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | July 28, 2009
I got home from work today, and my house was torn apart.
No, we weren't burglarized. Our new dog, Beau, whom we just adopted Sunday, was left alone for the first
time for just four hours. We have discovered that we have one huge case of canine separation anxiety at
Casa Gonzalez. He had torn down two gates I'd set up and tipped over a chair by the front door. He had
dumped over a stack of incoming mail and scattered it about. Stuff was strewn all over. He had torn up a
rug near the door as if he had tried to tunnel out.
I should've seen it coming. We had discovered on Monday that he can open doors inside the house. He
can turn a doorknob with his teeth and get himself out of any room. He's an escape artista "Hairy Houdini,"
if you will. He wants to be next to one of us at all times.
Of course I called the vet immediately this afternoon. He could see us within two hours. "What can we do?"
I asked. "We can't sit at home with a dog all daywe have to earn a living!" The vet explained that that our
dog (estimated age 6) obviously had been through an early life experience where he couldn't count on
owners to come through for him. Since he was abandoned at a pound, and no one claimed him, there's
evidence to support this. But what to do?!
The vet put him on Prozac! Apparently, Prozac is a good antianxiety agent for dogs. Beau may relax in
time, learn that we will meet his needs consistently, and then we can wean him off his antidepressant. But
the vet said he may need to remain on it long term. I work just two miles from home, so I may be running
home during the day for a few days to reassure my dog. Hmmm. I wonder how my colleagues at NCFR
would feel about a "Take Your Dog to Work Day?"
Fortunately with our family's frequent comings and goings and telecommuting, he will never be alone very
long. When we are at home, he'll get plenty of companionship. But it was a reminder to me that trauma
takes its tollon humans and animalsand can result in lifelong impairment.
Bless the beasts and the children. Give them shelter from the storm. Keep them safe. Keep them warm.
�National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
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Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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N equals 1 blog
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n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
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Bless the Beasts and the Children
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We adopted a dog with separation anxiety. We spend several months building up his trust in us.
Creator
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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bless-beasts-and-children
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July 28, 2009
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80686b3c08a842ee0d11c9e076d740e6
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Bullies
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | December 09, 2009
Almost every year since my earliest memories, I've watched the classic RankinBass production of Rudolph
the Rednosed Reindeer. When I was a small child, it was both traumatizing and cathartic. It's hard to
imagine anyone living in the U.S. who hasn't seen this show at least once. Here's the trailer to make sure
we're all on the same page. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6IAY9bSP7s .
There's one scene in particular that grabbed me every year. Rudolph was singled out as being unfit for the
reindeer games because his nose was the wrong "color." The coach, Comet, sets down the rules: "From
now on, gang, we won't let Rudolph play in any reindeer games!" I just sobbed and sobbed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyOY7Ld0JCU .
As a child, as is true for probably most children, I have felt the sting of a bully's taunt. Maybe this is why my
empathy for Rudolph was on overdrive. As the show progressed, Rudolph's travels to find acceptance led
him to The Island of Misfit Toysa frozen ghetto for the marginalized; toys that were imperfect that no child
would want to play with. Again, I'd cry and cry. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SH1j1luFOw
But I knew that every year, if I could hang in there, TV life would even the score. Rudolph found out that his
nose had a special role to play. In fact, his red nose was the basis for his being promoted above all the
other reindeer.
The archetype of conquering heroes who are at first an object of ridicule and then soar past their peers is
one of the oldest stories in the world. This past year, as Susan Boyle shocked the world on Britains Got
Talent with her rendition of I Dreamed a Dream, we all again watched a new Eliza Doolittle turn into one
Fair Lady. It's worth watching again. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY . By her own
admission in interviews, she felt like a misfit as a child. She battled learning disabilities and endured
bullying. But she could sing. Her first CD was just released, and I bought it right away. It's stunningly
beautiful. And speaking of beautiful, Susan has gotten a makeover, and she's just lovely. Check it out:
http://cm1.theinsider.com/thumbnail/400/559/cm1.theinsider.com/media/0/543/75/susanboyleamazon
recordbreaker.jpg . Part of me wanted her to keep her "look"; but I applaud any change she wanted to
make to feel better about herself.
A moment of my childhood that I still remember with pain was the time the other girls in third grade found
out that I wore "Sears Chubby" size. Yesif you can imagine, Sears carried a line of clothing for the fat little
girl. Here's a vintage ad: http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/01/30/vintageadforchubbyfashions . One of
the bullies happened to see the tag in the back of one of my slacks... Sears Chubby it said... and broadcast
the news to the entire class. It's been 40 years, and I still cringe when I think of it.
When I was young, schoolyard bullies were not recognized for the damage they did. Now they are. There's
recognition for bullies that children interact with onlinecyberbulling. Here's some good information for kids
�on the topic. http://mcgruff.org/Advice/cyberbullies.php . And now, there's acknowledgement for another
venue for bullyingin the workplace. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/25/health/25well.html .
To this day, gals like me are euphemistically referred to as "bigboned." Now our clothing is called "Plus
Sizes." But I don't care anymore because I have so much else in my life that defines me. In third grade,
however, it was humiliating.
Back at age 9, I wish someone would have told me that in 40 years, it wouldn't matter anymore. There's
always tomorrow.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUgMaL89Lqc
Were you bullied as a child? Are you dealing with a bully in the workplace? Please post a comment.
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Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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Bullies
Description
An account of the resource
As a child, as is true for probably most children, I have felt the sting of a bully's taunt.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
bullies
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
December 09, 2009
-
https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/318d28371df9fc5f97f40a5eba025c6e.pdf
90df3660efdb2cdd3b15fdafbd95abb0
PDF Text
Text
Bunking with Gordy
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | November 03, 2009
Our annual conference is coming up next week, and I can't wait. It's my favorite week of the year. I bumped
into someone recently who reminded me of another conference, many years ago, that I'll never forget.
About 15 years ago, I was working at a university as an academic adviser. We usually attended one
professional conference a year. I got to talking with a colleague, Gordy, who planned to go to the same
conference that I wanted to attend. It turns out that Gordy had already registered and had a hotel
reservation. In fact, he said they'd given him a two room suite. He said that he wasn't going to use the other
room, so I was welcome to it. I thought it was a fabulous ideaa way to save on our organization's travel
dollars.
Everything went off without a hitch until we got to the hotel in Miami. We got our keys and went up to settle
into our two room suite. We got to the door, opened it, and walked in. It wasn't a two room suite. It was a
standard hotel room with a King size bed in an alcove and a "living room" sofa that folded out into a hidea
bed. The "bedroom" was separated by a thin louvered door, more flimsy than the ones on a standard home
closet. The other opening to the alcove had no door whatsoever. "Two rooms" was a gross exaggeration.
I looked at Gordy and the blood drained from his face. We quickly decided that sharing a room was not
what either of us had in mind. I called the desk and asked for another room. There was "No Room at the
Inn." In fact, there was some major event in town. The desk clerk told me it was hopeless. There wasn't a
hotel room to be had anywhere within miles. I told Gordy the news. AWKward! We tried to think of what we
could do. There was no other solution: we had to share the room. This was going to be an adventure. Other
than my husband, I've only bunked with one other guy in my lifemy little brother, and we were preschoolers
at the time.
Gordy was and is happily married, and I knew his wife, Leslie. She worked in our organization too. I, of
course, was and am happily married. I called my husband and told him about the situationwhich he thought
was a scream. SoGordy and I shared a room. My only complaint is that chivalry lost out; Gordy claimed
dibs on the King bed leaving me to sleep on the foldout couch. It was the only solution, though. Gordy is
every bit of 6'4" and would never have fit on the sofa. The bathroom had a real door on it so we could both
shower and change with privacy. We were both nononsense let'smakethiswork types, and it did. Gordy
was the perfect gentleman, and I hope I wasn't too unpleasant to room with.
I ran into Gordy at a store about a month ago. Since he's about 20 years older than I, he's long since retired
and, of course, I now work at NCFR. I hadn't seen him in years, but when we spotted each other, we both
started to laugh. My husband was a couple aisles away in the store. I waved him over, and I finally got to
introduce him to Gordy... who will always have a fond place in my heart as My Other Male Roomie.
�National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
Web design by Gorton Studios
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
Bunking with Gordy
Description
An account of the resource
There was no other solution: we had to share the room.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
bunking-gordy
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
November 03, 2009
-
https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/4f5bc9b8ff997fdb9bf017c66cb686da.pdf
b4720743cd5e8d8f6344a46ac07601d0
PDF Text
Text
Candy Cigarettes: Trick? or just Treat?
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | May 11, 2009
A candy shop in a shopping mall near my home sells candy cigarettes; I
could hardly believe my eyes. I snapped a picture with my cell phone so
readers know I'm not hallucinating.
Amazingly, I searched around on the web and could find very little public policy and even scientific
information about these products. I remember seeing these as a child, but I thought they would be banned
by now. Apparently not. I couldn't find any confirmation of a statewide ban in Minnesota nor one at the
federal level. A Wikipedia page lists North Dakota as being a state with a ban, but I am shocked that this is
not national policy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candy_cigarette
When I looked around, most of the information I found when searching for "candy" and "cigarettes" was
about actual cigarettesreal onesthat are candy flavored. I must be completely out of the loop. I had no
idea these existed either.
I've known lots of smokers in my life. I have yet to meet one who is happy he or she picked up the habit. In
fact, almost all of them talk of their addiction with great regret and have tried to quit numerous times.
But science is all about evidence. I am making an assumption that candy that looks like a cigaretteand that
comes in a box that resembles a pack of cigarettesmight encourage smoking in children; it seems an
intuitive and logical supposition to me. But I'd like to have some facts. If anyone knows the scientific
evidence on this issue, please post a comment.
Share your thoughts
�Posted by Anonymous | January 12, 2011 5:12pm.
Yes, the disturbing facts about CANDY cigarettes are astounding that they arent publicly looked at the same way
CARTOONs depicted smoking are! I smoked for 4 years, thankfully i have learned my lesson and quit two years
ago... I happen to be somebody who never actually had candy cig's as a child, but the fact remains that they
promote smoking to be glamorous, and make kids think they are like their parents and adults... which we all know
that kids around the age of 5 up until 18 or even the 20s want nothing more than to be seen as adults, and treated
as such. so obviously the big tobacco companies are experts at marketting, and at one time were allowed free
range with product placement for many years. and somehow candy smokes have slipped through the cracks.
something even more disturbing about this, is I found a site with people who are PLEASANTLY remembering how
they loved candy cigarettes... the only thing they seem to leave out is that they have been on two packs a day since
age 12, and as fond as they are of the candy, they have done nothing in the way of discouraging other parents from
having their kids follow in their footsteps.
heres the link.
http://www.oldtimecandy.com/candycigarettes.htm
also, about your question... the scientific research that has been done is failry comprehensive, but like the source of
the research, the results have slipped through the cracks and nobody seems to pay much attention to this.
http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.ypmed.2007.04.006
exactly what you are looking for I think. :)
National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
Web design by Gorton Studios
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
Candy Cigarettes: Trick? or just Treat?
Description
An account of the resource
A candy shop in a shopping mall near my home sells candy cigarettes; I could hardly believe my eyes. I've known lots of smokers in my life. I have yet to meet one who is happy he or she picked up the habit. In fact, almost all of them talk of their addiction with great regret and have tried to quit numerous times.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
candy-cigarettes-trick-or-just-treat
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
May 11, 2009
-
https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/2fe05e52826055b62419b677ec221235.pdf
bdf0dc9dd232888401dd778a436954eb
PDF Text
Text
Caregiving via Internet
By Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | August 04, 2011
We can blame the internetsometimes justifiablythat it has had a
negative impact on individuals and families. There are lots of examples;
my personal pet peeve is cell phone use while driving. However, a well
worn cliché works best to describe another viewpointLet's not throw
the baby out with the technology bathwater. There are also many
examples of how the internet has fostered community and family
solidarity. I'd like to highlight two that exist in my life.
CaringBridge.org has been a Godsend in keeping us updated on two
loved ones, both fighting cancer. With CaringBridge, a family sets up an account and sends the private log
in information to everyone in their circle that they wish to update. The family can therefore get all the news
out on the internet without fielding "How are you?" phone calls all day. Sick people and their caregivers
need sleep and privacy. CaringBridge is a gatekeeping tool to keep communications efficient and helpful.
People just check the website for the latest news. The website also sends out emails to loved ones to alert
them that a new entry has been posted. Even better, the communication is two way; loved ones can send a
message to the ill person whenever they wish as well.
Another internet Godsend is a service I just learned about, Foodtidings.com. This website is similarly
structured, but with a different missiondelivering food. Quoting their website, "Food Tidings exists to
simplify the process of organizing meals for friends or family members in a transitional time of life. For
someone who has just had a baby, recovering from surgery or injury, grieving the passing of a loved one,
confined to bed rest, and almost anything else, receiving dinners from loved ones can be very comforting
and helpful." Foodtidings is going strong in our neighborhood. One neighbor family recently had the
horrendous tragedy of losing three family members in a car accident. The neighbors are all on board. Food
is scheduled to be delivered weeks out. My night is August 16.
These are just two examplesI'm sure there are more. Skype has been a blessing for long distance
families. Do you know of a communitybuilding service on the web? Please post a comment and let me
know so we can get the word out!
National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
Web design by Gorton Studios
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
Caregiving via Internet
Description
An account of the resource
Think the internet is a scourge of humanity? I've been pleasantly surprised by the ways social networking is knitting people together.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
caregiving-internet
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
August 04, 2011