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Leaving Las Vegas
Posted by NCFR | March 26, 2009
It all began the night I saw Donny and Marie Osmond on CNN. The
famous sibling entertainers were on Larry King Live, plugging their
show in Las Vegas. Let's all pause here for some derisive snickering
while I make an embarrassing admission—I've been a Donny Osmond
fan since I was 11. I wanted to see the show. I ran the idea past my
husband.
"How would you like to go with me to see Donny Osmond?" I asked
him.
His exact response, and I quote, was "I'd rather have a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."
OK. Fair enough. The thought of going alone was appealing, actually. I never get to be alone, and the
solitude would be rejuvenating.
As the idea began to gel, I had another wild idea. I've never seen Utah or Wyoming. I could fly down but
then rent a car and drive back. Then, as long as I would be in the neighborhood, I thought about how much
fun it would be to see our NCFR members at Brigham Young University (BYU) on the way back. I could see
the country and have some adventure!
Be careful what you wish for.
Donny and Marie were sensational. I got a seat right up next to the stage with three other 40something
women; two CPA sisters named Carissa and Karen and also a homemaker named Teruka from Japan. The
audience was filled with hundreds of exteenyboppers like me. If some demographer wanted to study a
group of perimenopausal middle class white women, this was a perfect convenience population.
Donny sang the songs we grew up hearing; we all squealed like sixth graders. I left very impressed with
Marie as well. From her Dancing with the Stars experience, she has become a fabulous dancer. From about
three feet away, I could see her shoes in clear detail. She does all of her footwork balanced on 4inch heels
that come to a point about the diameter of a pencil eraser. I tried to imagine even standing up in heels like
that. Better not, I thought. With a quick computation using the physics of "pounds per square inch," I know I
would be punching holes in solid concrete.
�Donny, Me and Marie
The next day I spent driving to the Provo area; I had a dinner date with Alan and Lisa Hawkins that evening
and then with Jeff and Tammy Hill the next night. I visited the campus the day in between and had a pizza
lunch with the faculty and met wonderful and interesting people such as Stephen Covey of "The 7 Habits of
Highly Effective People" fame. Tuesday morning I was off to see Salt Lake City briefly, and then I planned to
take I80 east through Wyoming and back home to Minneapolis. I had no idea how quickly my journey was
going to change.
Driving through the mountains in Utah was aweinspiring. The weather was sunny and so were my spirits.
Just as I crossed over the Wyoming state line, it started to snow a few gentle flakes. It looked as if I were
driving right into a postcard. Within 15 minutes, however, I was battling terror like I'd never seen. The gentle
snow went from postcard pretty to blinding blizzard.
As a native Minnesotan, I am no weather wuss. I can handle anything Minneapolis can dish out. I've been
caught in whiteout conditions before, but I have my winter survival kit and the knowledge of local terrain.
Driving in a mountain blizzard is something altogether new. In high elevations, there are new variables to
deal with that we don't have in Minnesota. In the mountains, even through it was snowing heavily, we were
up in the clouds so that sunlight was peeking through. This made the vista just blindingly white. It's the only
time in my life when I've driven through a blizzard with my sunglasses on.
The worst part of mountain driving, however, is that I quickly found out that I don't have an inner gyroscope.
Using the hills and valleys as reference points, I became disoriented quickly. The visual cues from the
surrounding topography were playing tricks on me. When I thought I was ascending a hill, I often was
headed down and needed to brake. When I thought I was going downhill, I could hear the car's automatic
transmission kick into low gear, indicating I was climbing. I remembered my husband telling me that this
type of disorientation is the frequent cause of air crashes: pilots ignore their instrumentation and navigate
by appearances. I resolved to listen to the transmission and my ear tachometerthey wouldn't lie.
The white nightmare swirled around me. There were no lines in the pavementit was snowpacked and
beginning to iceover. The cars around me crept along at 20 mph. I followed the taillights of a black
Cadillacanother challenge. Winter driving advice tells us to "allow lots of distance between you and the car
ahead." This wasn't possible. If I got too far behind, I lost sight of the Cadillac, and it was my only guide. I
couldn't stop either. I was in a white carany sudden movement could endanger everyone behind me in a
chain reaction.
My worst enemy was fear which, in my case, was fed by family history. My great, great grandmother froze
to death in 1924. I'd discovered the news story about her when researching my family history. Worse yet,
I've read an account of the Donner Party (nonfiction) and the Jack London short story To Build a Fire
�(fiction). Sorry if this is a spoiler for anyone, but both stories end badly. So there I was; wellread on fatal
hypothermia in three different genres.
My great, great grandmother's fate—1924
Suddenly, I saw the Cadillac signal right, and an offramp appeared out
of nowhere. I followed. At the end of the exit, I could see a truck stop. I
needed gas, so I pulled up to a pump. As I opened my door, the fierce
wind blew my credit card right out of my hand. I had to get down on my
knees to feel around for it in the snow with my bare hands.
The truck stop was full of frightened travelers. I found out that I was in
Fort Bridger, Wyoming. It was early afternoon. I put in a call to Alan
Hawkins back at BYU. Alan picked up the phone to hear a tearful friend
blurt out her predicament. Since I was only about 100 miles away, he
was pretty sure he could place some calls to his church leadership who
could locate a family in the area who would take me in for the night. He
said he'd get to work on it and get back to me. I started conversations
with a few truckers and asked for advice. One guy had 15 years of
overtheroad trucking experience, and he'd pulled over. He had come
from the other direction and told me there was a multicar pileup just
ahead of where I would've driven. He had briefly entertained the idea of
putting on his tire chains and pushing on, but he decided it was just too
hazardous.
Cigarette smoke was setting off my asthma, so I went back to the car to
try to hear a weather update on the radio. I had been listening to the
radio about a half hour, running the engine for heat. Suddenly I became nauseated and dizzycarbon
monoxide, I thought in an instant. I shut off the engine, got out into the piercing wind and went to the back
of the car to make sure the tailpipe was clearit was. Maybe it was just nerves, I thought. I dashed back to
the truck stop for a cup of tea. In about 20 minutes, my head cleared and I noodledout what had happened.
The 50 mph wind gusts were blowing against the back of my carthe wind had obviously been forcing the
exhaust back up the tailpipe into the passenger compartment.
Within just a few minutes, my cell phone rang. It was the regional Bishop, who lived just 10 miles away in
Lyman, Wyoming. He was coming to get me.
I tried to envision what a Mormon Bishop would look like; a long flowing robe, a clerical collar and a mitre
style hat came to mind. Bishop Milu Walker looked like Walker, Texas Ranger!a cowboy from central
casting. He said he'd found me a room at a motel in his hometown. He said if we drove slow, I'd be OK as I
followed him. This secondary road was in worse shape than the interstate. I followed Bishop Walker at 15
mph for 10 miles on two inches of glare ice. I remember thinking that I wish Avis® rented Zambonis®.
About halfway, I saw a double wheel lying in the middle of the road. Then I looked to the shoulder, and
there was a truck that was listing to port. Its bare axle was resting on the pavement. He had obviously
fishtailed with such force, that his dual wheels had flown right off the axle. I always wondered why towns out
in the wilderness had funny names like "Broken Axle." Now I know.
Soon we arrived at the motel. The Bishop began to speak to the innkeeper with instant rapportthey were
obviously friends. I pulled out my wallet and asked if she'd like a credit card.
"No need for that." the Bishop told me. "It's all taken care of."
�
"I can't have you pay for my room on top of all this inconvenience," I countered.
He wouldn't hear of it. "That's not how we do things out here," he insisted.
I smiled and told him I was a Methodist and asked if that mattered. He gave me a warm chuckle and then,
in an instant, he was gone. I suspect he was headed back out to rescue the fellow with the broken axle.
The motel was a classic 50s era motel, and laid out in strip mall fashion. My room was right out of a retro
movie. It had shag carpeting, a TV that got only one station, a heater on the wall, a big cast iron bathtub
and a double bed with a dent in the middle of the mattressin other words, to my eyes, it was the Waldorf
Astoria. It was clean, warm and wonderfully familiar to distant memories of rural Minnesota. More luck still
the dent in the bed fit my bottom perfectly. The rest of my trip home was mercifully uneventful.
This essay ends with a few realizations. When Alan Hawkins mobilized church directories and found help
for me, I was seeing the power of social networks and the strong culture of hospitality in the area. Truck
stops allow travelers to "loiter" in their buildings all night if necessary. Out there, turning someone out to the
elements maybe doesn't qualify as murder, but it's a close second. The hospitality of the church culture
would go one better. They didn't leave a woman alone in a truck stop overnight if they could help it.
Rescue comes from the most unexpected places, and here I'm not just talking about Mormon Bishops. In
last December's issue of NCFR Report, I wrote my column about the horror of growing up with a violent
father. I've spent most of my life trying to undo his damage. What I didn't write about him is that he had one
redeeming traithe was a gifted auto mechanic. His customers thought it was spooky, but he could "hear" a
car communicate its problem on a 10 minute test drive. I grew up listening to him "think out loud" in cars,
diagnosing problems. It was from him I learned about paying attention to all of a car's systems and the
messages they send. I had it drilled into me that nausea in a running car was danger. Ironically, the point of
my greatest peril was the carbon monoxide incident. I was parked at a truck stop, safely off the highway. I
was lulled into a false sense of security. It was the influence of my fatherdead 19 years and resented for
even morethat allowed me to deduce why the exhaust system was backing up.
As a result of that column on child abuse, I got many touching emails from NCFR members. One, however,
stood out in my mind for its gentle way of telling me that she hoped that someday I would find something
good that remained. I have. I learned to drive on an old pickup with a "three on the tree" transmission. All
these years, I've known how to use jumper cables and how to change my oil. I know to clean my battery
terminals with baking soda and how to tell when my brake calipers are dragging. All taken for granted. Now
I realize how empowering this knowledge is for a woman.
It would mean a lot to me if I could pass along one of my dad's tips to my readers. I learned from Dad that I
should park my car in the same spot every day when I go to work. Then, when I leave to go home, I can
glance at the pavement when I pull out to see if there are any fluid leaks that have appeared. If so, I know
they are from my car.
Now this last tip is from me. If you'll be winter driving over the mountains in a rental, ask for a Zamboni®
and make sure it isn't white. Then, before you leave the rental counter, make sure you ask for a directory of
Mormon Bishops.
Epilogue
I gratefully acknowledge all of the gracious people who either put me upor put up with meon my trip; the
BYU School of Family Life and its wonderful faculty, Professors Alan Hawkins and Jeffrey Hill and their
families, and most especially, Bishop Milu Walker.
�
After I returned safely to Minneapolis, BYU Professor David Dollahite sent me a hymn, written by himself
and a colleague. The hymn talks about faith and bringing one to the "journey's end." Thank you, David, for
telling me in this celestial way, "I'm happy you made it home." Please enjoy this moving hymn with me.
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n-equals-1
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<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
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Leaving Las Vegas
Description
An account of the resource
If you'll be winter driving over the mountains in a rental, ask for a Zamboniand make sure it isn't white. Then, before you leave the rental counter, make sure you ask for a directory of Mormon Bishops.
Identifier
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leaving-las-vegas
Date
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March 26, 2009
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You did WHAT?! The airing of marital laundry
By Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | May 24, 2012
Every now and then, I am reminded that being a student of the family
sciences guarantees me absolutely no edge over anyone in the general
population in dealing with family problems of my own. I have a little bit
of an advantage in putting things in context, but at Casa Gonzalez, we
have all the same drama.
Last month, something happened that was so unpredictable and
outrageous that at the end of the day, the only redeeming thought I had
was “Well, at least I can get a blog out of it.” I’m going to share it,
because it’s such a good example of how even those who work in my
field have just as many misunderstandings as anyone else.
It began about two weeks previously with a stray comment I made to
my husband. We were talking about how everything in print, on film, or
on audio is becoming available online. And it’s happening so fast. We
have hundreds of books in our home. Many of the classics with no copyright entanglements have been on
the web for a while already. Check Project Gutenberg or Google books. It’s incredible. I don’t know if there
are many paper versions of the classics sold anymore. Entire libraries are as close as your laptop. It’s a
wonderful time to be alive.
However, there are those of us who like an oldfashioned book. I love reading NCFR journals on paper. I
have a hard time curling up with a laptop. Likewise, for audio, I don’t like the iPod and earbud existence.
Sometimes I like to have my music fill the room as I’m puttering around the house. This is where the
problem began. That throwaway comment about this new digitized world was, “Someday soon, everything
we own will be ‘up on the cloud.’” That’s what did it.
My husband George had the day off. He is an IT geek. Bad combination. I never know when some new
contraption is going to come into the house and upgrade me, whether I want to or not. I got home from work
and found several plastic bags on the front porch, waiting for the garbage. The contents were starting to
poke through the bags, and I noticed a corner of a CD jewel case. I pulled it out. It was the empty container
for one of my CDs. Quickly I started tearing through the bags. Four kitchen sized garbage bags were full of
my empty CD cases.
I was furious! I knew immediately what had happened. George had taken all of my CDs and scanned them
in and uploaded them to “the cloud.” I don’t want them on the cloud! I want my CDs just the way they
were, thank you very much! He was ready to hear me exclaim how grateful I was that he spent the day
performing a service that people pay money for. I have never really known what a “conniption” is, but I
assure you, I had one.
�Fast forward—he has since matched up the CDs with their jewel cases and everything is back the way it
was. In fact, it’s better now that everything has a duplicate on the cloud—wherever that is.
The point I’m making is that I have had the occasional complaint over the years that he’s “not spontaneous”
and he “doesn’t surprise me” or he “can’t anticipate what I want.” He tried. He really did. I said “everything
would be on the cloud someday” and what he heard was “I want everything up on the cloud someday.”
What I saw, as soon as I regained my composure, is that he had spent an entire day working on something
spontaneous, to surprise me, and he tried to anticipate what I wanted. And for the first 10 minutes, I
couldn’t connect those dots. I hurt him, and I was sorry.
What I really want, and it’s taken me awhile to realize it, is someplace where there is very little change—in
my home. I have gotten to the point in my life where spontaneous surprises are everywhere. When I walk
through our front door, I want stability. Everyone else can live on the cloud. I’ll be listening to my hand crank
Edison phonograph.
Share your thoughts
Posted by Anonymous | July 2, 2012 1:57pm.
Hi Nancy,
I hear you. My husband and I are both techies but there is just something about the crispy clean pages of a real
book and the physical touch of a real CD that makes things seem more real. I think there is a place in between all of
that. I also love how technology has freed us. I use an app called GoodReads to keep track of my books now and
this little app has a scanner on it so I can just snap a photo of my book and it tells my GoodReads friends what I am
reading. That is pretty cool.
National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
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Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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N equals 1 blog
Identifier
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n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
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You did WHAT?! The airing of marital laundry
Description
An account of the resource
Last month, something happened that was so unpredictable and outrageous that at the end of the day, the only redeeming thought I had was "Well, at least I can get a blog out of it."
Creator
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
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you-did-what-airing-marital-laundry
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
May 24, 2012
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Windows and doors
By Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | July 24, 2013
I’ve started writing this column at least five times. What I have to say is
difficult. I think I should state my central point now and then fill in the
details. Here it is: My employment status with NCFR will be… changing.
Now let’s go back a few years to the retirement of our longtime
conference director, Cindy Winter. If you were an NCFR member then,
you no doubt remember Cindy’s grand retirement party at the annual
conference. What happened with Cindy thereafter is both wonderful
and hilarious. She retired, but we wouldn’t let her go! Week after week,
month after month, a project or function in the office always popped up
that was work Cindy could do best. Our executive director, Diane
Cushman, kept Cindy tethered to the office with shortterm gigs that
grew. It became an office joke about how well Cindy was retiring. After
a few months, it was clear that this “temporary” and “retired” employee
was neither of these things. Cindy isn’t the rocking chair type. And we
still needed her. The organization still has Cindy’s wisdom nearby. And Cindy has a notquite retired life that
is vital to her wellbeing. Everyone wins.
By the time this column is in print, NCFR will have hired, or will have almost hired, my replacement. I’d like
to be transparent as to why.
As far back as I can remember, I have suffered generalized anxiety that has been quite disabling at times.
As NCFR members, you probably know that in addition to the psychic maelstrom and depression, there are
myriad physical manifestations of anxiety too. I won’t go into all of them. Above all, the most crippling of
them for me has been the soulcrushing insomnia. I have tried everything. I’ve done meds, no meds,
exercise, no exercise, counting sheep and “talking to the Shepherd.” I’ve tried warm milk, chamomile,
melatonin, progressive relaxation and mindfulness training. I had an expensive hospital overnight sleep
study that was inconclusive, except that I was told that my REM sleep onset is slower than that of most
people. I have a hightech mattress. I sleep with two aircirculating fans in the room to produce white noise
and minimize distractions. Like a scientist, I have experimented with all of these, changing one variable
each time, so that I could figure out what helps and what doesn’t. With all this data it still boils down to the
fact that I sleep just two or three hours at a time. The last full night’s sleep I had was in March 2009.
Imagine tending to a newborn — only the baby never grows up.
I’ve been with NCFR nine years. Back when I started I was — obviously — younger and could cope with
this bizarre disability better. But a couple years ago, the insomnia got even worse. After a bad night, I was
an absolute zombie. My zombie days became more frequent. My short term memory really took a hit. It
began to affect my work, which made for overwhelming guilt. The guilt fed the anxiety in a vicious cycle.
�Now it’s clear — and this is so very humbling — that I can no longer cope with a fulltime job. Diane and I
came to the realization in June. We both cried. She said she can’t imagine NCFR without me… and I can’t
imagine my life without NCFR. That’s when the “Cindy Solution” occurred to us both. I would spin off as a
consultant, do the NCFR work that suits me best and free up much needed resources to hire someone who
can do the things I can’t. I am so excited at the prospect of mentoring a replacement and cheerleading from
the sidelines as he or she takes NCFR to new levels. There is no shame in having a mental illness. What
would be a shame, though, is not to acknowledge it to the detriment of myself and, most of all, NCFR.
I will continue to have my NCFR email address and, because most members aren’t in Minneapolis, it’s quite
possible that no one will even notice I’m not in the office full time anymore. I will continue my work editing
NCFR Report. What else I do depends on the skill set our new coworker will bring to us. What I can bring to
the table is nine years’ experience in the organization and a love of NCFR — you can’t buy that on the open
market. I will also make a great pinch hitter. If, for example, one of our staff is out for medical or parental
leave, I will have the flexibility to swoop back in and help out on a shortterm basis. Management gurus say
that the organization that cultivates a contingent workforce like this is smart.
Diane reminded me that when life shuts a door, it always opens a window. I don’t know what lies beyond
the curtains, but it’s time to pull them back.
Share your thoughts
Posted by Anonymous | August 5, 2013 12:19pm.
Dear Nancy,
I have always enjoyed your columns, and even more so the opportunities we've had to talk in person. I will never
forget your support and kindness to me over the years when I was caring for my parents (especially my mom). I am
so pleased that you will remain connected to NCFR, yet will do what is best for you. Peace!! Linda Behrendt
Posted by Anonymous | August 2, 2013 8:07am.
Nancy, what a beautiful testament to your integrity and courage! I think you and Cindy could write a book about
"The Cindy Solution!" This is the kind of creative problem solving women bring to the table and we need a lot more
of it just think if all organizations made space for such options for new parents as well as those with health issues
or who want to phase into retirement! I wish you the best with this new adventure and that you find rest and joy in
the process! Hugs! Joan Comeau
Posted by Anonymous | July 31, 2013 3:33pm.
My dear Nancy,
While I think this transition is the right thing for you, I can't help feeling sad about it. I like what you wrote about a
smart organization having flexibility and also working on replenishing itself! Diane is a genius at this type of thing.
And I really want your health to improve. I hope you will still be around for Fawlty Towers and bad puns! As well as
for the NCFR Report and the many assets you provide to NCFR and to us, the members.
Affectionately, Anisa
Posted by Anonymous | July 31, 2013 8:16pm.
Love you, Anisa.... We have so many good memories together!
Posted by Anonymous | July 31, 2013 3:24pm.
Nancy,
�You and Diane are right in the thought that when one door/window closes another one opens, sometimes many
open. It has been great working with you.
Chloe D. Merrill
Posted by Anonymous | July 31, 2013 9:44am.
Dear Nancy,
First, my sincere thanks for your years of commitment, love, concern, giving of your MANY skills and TALENTS,
CREATIVITY, insight, caring attitude for being YOU in your work!!! I will never forget our time together in summer
2012 at lunch. You and Cindy honored me to the "hilt" with your presence with me at lunch!!!! I am so pleased you
can serve as a model for all the people out there who deal with anxiety and depression but who feel that they must
hide it. When will we ever grow up and know that all parts of our being are parts of the whole person mental,
psychological, physical, motor, social, spiritual, perceptual what impacts one part is no less worthy of attention
that that which affects another part. And we need to try to understand all parts, as well. Using your windows
analogy in discussing your transition, you are also opening the window/door in a topic that few have the "guts" to
shed light one and all conditions need to be discussed.
Nancy, you are a dear person to me and I will continue to see you on FB and when I find an open November
conference time during my retirement to go to the NCFR Natioanal Conference. I WILL stay in touch!! Get LOTS OF
REST, restore your brain and your whole body, keep your positive approach to others and hopefully you can be as
caring and understanding of YOURSELF as you are and have been with and to ALL OF US!!
With love, Sedahlia Crase, Ames, IA
Posted by Anonymous | July 31, 2013 7:42am.
Nancy,
Another in a long series of columns that shows off your many talents and insights. I daresay that having you only
part of the time will remain more enlightening and energizing to the field than what many others can give with more
full time status.
Steve Gavazzi
Posted by Anonymous | July 31, 2013 6:46am.
Nancy:
It's been a delight working with you all these years. Thank you for your openess and candor. It is an inspiration to
others. I wish you every good thing and am happy that you will still be connected to NCFR. Your expertise is
invaluable to the organization.
Maisie Ross
Posted by Anonymous | July 26, 2013 4:08pm.
I send you my most heartfelt virtual hugfromatotalstranger. I had to stop working fulltime 3 years ago due to my
own health issues and it is indeed, a devastating feeling. I am still learning how to "have a life" at the age of 48.
I am glad to hear you will be able to stay in involved in another capacity. That is so important.
Best wishes,
Lisa Osborne, MS CFLE
Posted by Anonymous | July 27, 2013 1:42pm.
Nancy,
My sincere empathy of your problem and the solution you came to. It's a great way to stay involved and still
take care of yourself. You are to be commended for recognizing the situation and doing all that you can to come
to grips with it. Parttime is not so bad at all. To that I can attest along with the love and dedication to NCFR a
�great organization. I wish you the very best and am happy to hear that you will still be doing the Report. Mary Jo
Czaplewski
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Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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Windows and doors
Description
An account of the resource
What I have to say is difficult. I think I should state my central point now and then fill in the details. Here it is: My employment status with NCFR will be changing.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
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windows-and-doors
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
July 24, 2013
-
https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/4c08d771bfba22ce2d3abc154e46be40.pdf
c5c5c89c61045f46b6e4b5ff42e0f296
PDF Text
Text
Want to win a free NCFR membership? Join in my
trivia contest on my personal Facebook page!
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | March 07, 2011
Family studies enthusiasts I am running a trivia contest on my
personal Facebook page. It's running from now through Memorial Day
weekend. I will be asking a trivia question every day or two and posting
it on my wall. Questions will be posted approximately noon Central
time. Particpants are welcome to use Google or any other source to
find the answer. The first person to answer it correctly gets the Brownie
points associated with that question. Brownie points are assessed
based on the difficulty of the questions. For the person who accrues the
most Brownie points on May 30, there is a cool prize! I will personally
buy you a new or renewal membership in NCFR! In the event of a tie,
the names of the top winners will be placed in a hat, and I will ask a coworker to randomly draw a name.
Join in the fun!
National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
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Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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Want to win a free NCFR membership? Join in my trivia contest on my personal Facebook page!
Description
An account of the resource
Family studies enthusiasts - Join in my trivia contest! An NCFR membership is the prize! Click on the headline above for contest details.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
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want-win-free-ncfr-membership-join-my-trivia-contest-my-personal-facebook-page
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
March 07, 2011
-
https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/8f8168a84fbdcab3141943e1021258cc.pdf
fdc9d123afadce74dbe76b908e87b33f
PDF Text
Text
Uneven Parallels
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | February 10, 2010
U.S. First Lady Michelle Obama is launching a nationwide campaign to raise awareness of childhood
obesity. Here is an interview with her from last night's News Hour with Jim Lehrer.
http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/health/janjune10/firstlady_0209.html . It's a serious problem and a grave
threat to our nation. One in three U.S. children is overweight. We all know the risk factors thereof. I won't go
into any medical or dietary specifics, because I'm not qualified and because the whole "Let's Move"
campaign is explained on its own website. http://www.letsmove.gov .
What I am going to add is a few thoughts based on my reminiscences of a childhood battling a weight
problem. I'll tell you where "they lost me." Phy Ed classes in 12 years of public school, with exceptions
amounting to mere days, did me no good at all. What I remember is being asked to do useless activities
such as try to climb a rope hanging from the ceiling of the gymwhat was that about? In 49 years of living,
not once have I had the need to climb a 20 foot rope. I remember bouncing on a trampoline and trying the
uneven parallel barsboth disasters. I am afraid of heights and had no aptitude for gymnastics. I hate
volleyball, basketball, softball and track. Sit ups, push ups and jumping jacks were a joke. Being forced to
play sports against my will didn't help meit just made me resentful. Physical activity became associated
with failure, embarrassment and fear.
Then, to make matters worse, in Minnesota we were forced to go outside in the winter for recess. I hated
every single day. I stood outside freezing so that (in my mind) the teachers could have 30 minutes of peace
and quiet. We were told we needed "fresh air." As far as I could tell, the air was just as fresh inside the
warm school. I didn't get fitI just got furious. I get mad right now just thinking about it. Gym teachers had
curricular units they had to tick off and mark "completed" on their clipboards. With every checkmark, they
gave me one more reason to hate gym class.
What I did like, but what wasn't covered enough, was dance and swimming. What would've helped me
would have been a physical education program designed around things I could doand wanted to do. Like
walking. Why was I forced to try sports that I was destined to fail at? I wish I could've left childhood
committed to a lifetime of dance, swimming and just plain walking.
Here are the uneven parallels: athletic ability is endowed unevenly. I was born an endomorph. But there
could've been a parallel track I would've enjoyed, pursuing physical activity I could've benefitted from and
used throughout my life. I hope the Let's Move campaign gets it right.
�National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
Web design by Gorton Studios
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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Uneven Parallels
Description
An account of the resource
For a teen who hated Phy Ed classes, I could've been better served by Michelle Obama's "Let's Move" campaign.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
uneven-parallels
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
February 10, 2010
-
https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/7976d43e7287dbffb6a027650136cfb9.pdf
00a7e55b4814db2a9049688fb6e0ba77
PDF Text
Text
The Ugly Christmas Shirtthe Gift that Keeps Giving
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | December 16, 2008
Today we have a few giftgiving tips from Aunt Nancy.... This year in our extended family, due to economic
realities, we are celebrating onthecheap. Gag gifts are greatespecially if they're useful. The guys in our
family are getting a gallon of windshield washer fluid. I give this every year and write "Reindeer Soap" on it.
The gals? I'm wrapping up a bottle of Joy® brand dishwashing soap with a big tag on it that says, "May you
have Joy for the holidays." Both are stupidly funnyand useful. Another useful gift is a "gas card," a gift
certificate to a local gas station. What the heck, write "Hope your holidays are a gas!"
If you can make it funny and individual, it's great. We have an accountant; he may get a can of beans and a
cheap calculator. My sister spent time one year ridding her house of "kitsch"figurines and knick knacks that
were hard to dust and getting to look like shelf schlock. She proclaimed proudly that summer that she'd
given all the junk away to thrift stores. So, of course, that Christmas, I went to a thrift store and bought her
the ugliest figurine I could find. For $1.99, you can have your whole Christmas party howling with laughter.
On my husband's side of the family, we have a ritual that's been going on about 5 years now. Someone
(who will remain nameless) gave Uncle Don a shirt that was absolutely hideous. It's a summer polo shirt
with a print of hot dogs, hamburgers and grilling utensils on it. He opened it up, held it up and looked at it as
if he'd just opened a box of entrails. We all roared. He knows that I frequent thrift stores, so he gave it to me
to donate next time I went. Except I didn't.
The next year, he opened our gift and Voila! The same shirt! A new tradition was born. So now the shirt has
been going back and forth, with some new twist on the joke each year. The following year, it had lace added
to it. Last year I added a skirt to the bottom, so now it's a dress. It's my turn to get it back this year. I can't
wait to see the creative modifications it will have; it probably has lederhosen.
This year will be a lean one for too many families. Each day, some new datapoint comes in that drives
home the reality that there are families in trouble. We have now been in a recession one full year. Our three
U.S. domestic auto manufacturers are on the verge of bankruptcy. One in 10 houses now is either in
foreclosure or delinquent at least one month on a mortgage payment. Our incoming President has told us
that "it's going to get worse before it gets better." In my immediate and extended family, no one is wealthy,
but we all have a roof over our heads, groceries and heat. I would rather have an ugly figurine and a laugh
and then a note saying that a donation had been made to our local food shelf in the Twin Cities
http://www.2harvest.org than any other gift.
Wanna give yourself a gift? Do a random act of anonymous kindness. Here's one idea if you are among
those with a few extra dollars. Next time you're going through a fast food drivethru, look at the car behind
you. Is the car old? Does the driver have a carful of kids? Pay their bill when you get to the driveup
window. Ask the cashier to tell them "Happy Holidays from a stranger." What a Whopper® of a Happy
Meal® on a Frosty® day...
�
Note: The University of Minnesota Cooperative Extension Department offers some helpful holiday tips.
Here's the link: http://www.extension.umn.edu/familyrelations/holiday.html
National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
Web design by Gorton Studios
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
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Title
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The Ugly Christmas Shirt--the Gift that Keeps Giving
Description
An account of the resource
This year in our extended family, due to economic realities, we are celebrating on-the-cheap.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
ugly-christmas-shirt-gift-keeps-giving
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
December 16, 2008
-
https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/89c3e3122bc83b5e791f91154d4b20ed.pdf
c8c0180df46508ea30fb319601c95611
PDF Text
Text
Threat Level Orange 8.3 million Americans at risk
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | September 18, 2009
An amazing press release just came through on the U.S. government's SAMHSA listserv (Substance
Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration). The number of people in the last year who considered
taking their own lives is frightening. The headline is: FirstofaKind National Study Reveals that 8.3
Million Adults in the U.S. had Serious Thoughts of Committing Suicide in the Past Year. That's
incredible! And tragic.
Let's put 8.3 million in perspective. It means that 3.7% of the adult population has, within the past year,
been at serious risk of suicide. Now think about this. New York City's population (2007 U.S. Census) was
8.275 million. Imagine. What if the entire population of New York City were in lifethreatening despair? How
would our nation act if the entire city of New York were at risk? Well, we know, don't we? Since 9/11, we
know what it feels like to have New York City at risk. We now have colorcoded threat levels, security
measures in place, seen and unseen, and the attention of the entire nation.
Here's another thought: 8.3 million is roughly equivalent to the combined populations of Los Angeles,
Chicago and Phoenix. Imagine if every life in these three major cities ended tragically? We have a serious
public health emergency. We should be on "orange" mental health alert. If anyone reading this is in need
of help, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1800273TALK. Since government documents are in
the public domain, and this is important information SAMHSA is trying to disseminate, I'm going to post the
SAMSHA press release here in its entirety.
*****
SAMHSA News Release
FOR RELEASE:
September 17, 2009
Contact: SAMHSA Press Office (240) 276
2130
http://www.samhsa.gov
FirstofaKind National Study Reveals that 8.3 Million Adults in the U.S.
had Serious Thoughts of Committing Suicide in the Past Year
2.3 Million Adults Made a Suicide Plan and 1.1 Million Adults Actually
Attempted Suicide in the Past Year
Nearly 8.3 million adults (age 18 and older) in the U.S. (3.7 percent) had
serious thoughts of committing suicide in the past year according to the first
national scientific survey of its size on this public health problem. The study by
�the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
also shows that 2.3 million adult Americans made a suicide plan in the past
year and that 1.1 million adults 0.5 percent of all adult Americans had
actually attempted suicide in the past year.
The study provides important insights into the nature and scope of suicidal
thoughts and behaviors. For example, the risk of suicidal thoughts, planning
and attempts varies significantly among age groups. Young adults aged 18 to
25 were far more likely to have seriously considered suicide in the past year
than those aged 26 to 49 (6.7 percent versus 3.9 percent), and nearly three
times more likely than those aged 50 or older (2.3 percent). These disparities
in risk levels among younger and older adults also were found in suicide
planning and suicide attempts.
Substance use disorders also were associated with an increase in the risk of
seriously considering, planning or attempting suicide. People experiencing
substance abuse disorders within the past year were more than three times as
likely to have seriously considered committing suicide as those who had not
experienced a substance abuse disorder (11.0 percent versus 3.0 percent).
Those with past year substance abuse disorders were also 4 times more likely
to have planned a suicide than those without substance abuse disorders (3.4
percent versus 0.8 percent), and nearly seven times more likely to have
attempted suicide (2.0 percent versus 0.3 percent).
The study also revealed that adult females had marginally higher levels of
suicidal thoughts and behaviors than males in the past year.
"This study offers a far greater understanding of just how pervasive the risk of
suicide is in our nation and how many of us are potentially affected by it," said
SAMHSA Acting Administrator, Eric Broderick, D.D.S., M.P.H. "While there are
places that people in crisis can turn to for help like the National Suicide
Prevention Lifeline 1800273TALK, the magnitude of the public health crisis
revealed by this study should motivate us as a nation to do everything possible
to reach out and help the millions who are at risk preferably well before they
are in immediate danger."
The study notes that only 62.3 percent of adults who had attempted suicide in
the past year received medical attention for their suicide attempts. It also
notes that 46.0 percent of those attempting suicide stayed in a hospital
overnight or longer for treatment of their suicide attempts.
Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviors among Adults is based on 2008 data drawn
from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, which obtained responses
from 46,190 persons aged 18 or older. The full report is available online at
http://oas.samhsa.gov/2k9/165/suicide.cfm. Copies may also be obtained free
of charge at http://ncadistore.samhsa.gov/catalog/productDetails.aspx?
ProductID=18198 or by calling SAMHSA's Health Information Network at 1
877SAMHSA7. For related publications and information, visit
http://www.samhsa.gov/ .
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1800273TALK, coordinates the
network of 140 crisis centers across the United States providing suicide
prevention and crisis intervention services to individuals seeking help at any
�time, day or night. SAMHSA funds the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
(Lifeline) through a cooperative agreement for Networking, Certifying and
Training Suicide Prevention Hotlines that was awarded to Link2Health
Solutions, Inc.
National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
Web design by Gorton Studios
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
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Title
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Threat Level Orange-- 8.3 million Americans at risk
Description
An account of the resource
The number of people in the last year who considered taking their own lives is frightening. The headline is: First-of-a-Kind National Study Reveals that 8.3 Million Adults in the U.S. had Serious Thoughts of Committing Suicide in the Past Year. That's incredible! And tragic.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
threat-level-orange-83-million-americans-risk
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
September 18, 2009
-
https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/cecd03952e1a9434fee8e642a069d92f.pdf
6ebdfdd0df2e505159634f6ccd39ccd8
PDF Text
Text
There, but not There: Loving Someone Who Has
Dementia
By Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | August 17, 2011
The test of a firstrate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed
ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to
function. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald
Chapter one of Pauline Boss' new book, Loving Someone Who Has
Dementia, begins with that quote. Pauline (pictured) is one of NCFR's
most decorated scholars. She is one of our past Presidents and winner
of the prestigious Burgess Award given for a lifetime of achievements in
the field. She is also a gifted clinician, and has authored much material
for practitioners. Her latest gift, however, is written for families.
Pauline Boss is a pioneer in the subject of family stress and, in the
1970s, she began to notice a type of grieffrozen grief, she calls itthat
families experienced when a loss is ambiguous. The easiest way for
me to explain it, is to have her explain it. Watch this very short video:
�This new book for families is just excellent. I recommended it to a friend who is a caregiver for her mother
who has Alzheimer's disease. This friend knows I am a blogger and she specifically asked me to tell her
storyparticularly one aspect of her story. My friend (let's call her Mary, which is not her real name) had had
a good relationship with her mother throughout their lives. When Mary got divorced, her mother was right
there, helping her raise her three children when Mary's husband left her. Every step of the way, Mary's
mother was there to support her. Mary remarried, and they had many good years of intergenerational
family life. Then, gradually, Mary's mother's dementia began its onset.
Mary was able to keep her mother, a widow, at her own home with Mary dropping by for daily supervision.
But very soon it was apparent that her mother needed more care. Mary and her husband then took her into
their home for three years. When that arrangement was not enough, they began to look for an appropriate
long term situation and her mother moved into memory care a few months ago. I knew the transition would
be tough, because I'd heard for years how good Mary's mother was to her. It had been Mary's original
intent to care for her mother until her death.
Mary and I are close friends. Yet it was just a week or so ago that Mary finally told me what was absolutely
eating her up insideone of the reasons she placed her mother in outofhome care is that she was afraid
she would hurt her physically. When she told me, she just burst into tears. She wants me to share her
anonymous secret with the world. I don't know which was worse for her, the terror, the shame or the guiltor
all three. She was afraid to tell anyone about her feelings. I told her about Pauline's book and how she
absolutely must read it and soon. I told her that Pauline puts it all out there, including providing support for
these frightening feelings and what to do with them. If you have moments of selfdoubt that you might hurt
your loved one, it does not mean you are a monster. It means you are overwhelmed to the danger zone.
You need immediate help and Pauline tells you how to find it.
Mary is one of the most responsible, rational, and compassionate people I've ever known. Yet she got
overwhelmed to her breaking point. I understood. One evening last winter, I sat with Mary's mother so that
Mary and her husband could go out for the evening, which they literally had not done in years because one
of them had to be at home at all times. Being with her mother was a precious experience for a family life
educator who had never seen dementia up close. All evening, in a 10 minute loop, she politely asked me
who I was and I reintroduced myself. Then she would ask me where Mary was, and I told her. Then she
would stare off into space and the loop began again with "I'm afraid we haven't met... what is your name?"
After cycling through several loops, I began to realize what incredible strength Mary had to cope with three
years of that level of caregiving. Her mother was "there, but not there," as Pauline explains.
Mary thinks she's failed. I predict that assessment will fade in time. I urged her to look at herself the way I
do. She has the patience of a saint and this is the first time in years that she's come up for air. Mary was
caught in frozen grief and, now that her mother is safely out of the home, she is allowing all this grief to
surface.
There are many resources in our field, many written by Dr. Boss, that are for the helpers. This book is for
the caregiver. It's written in accessible language and is divided into manageable chapters that facilitate
reading in the catchascatchcan way that caregivers often need. If you're a caregiver of someone who
has dementia, this book will wrap its words around you and give you a hug.
Loving Someone Who Has Dementia (JosseyBass, 2011) is available in both paperback and ebook.
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The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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N equals 1 blog
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n-equals-1
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An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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There, but not There: Loving Someone Who Has Dementia
Description
An account of the resource
Pauline Boss is a pioneer in the subject of family stress and, in the 1970s, she began to notice a type of grief-frozen grief, she calls it-that families experienced when a loss is ambiguous.
Creator
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
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there-not-there-loving-someone-who-has-dementia
Date
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August 17, 2011
-
https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/a0a5f5cd710ad8c13b09f56cdc73bec2.pdf
a924f1d4181f0a434844bb900fdcef88
PDF Text
Text
Telemarketing: Don't Call Us...
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | February 19, 2010
One day, a few days ago, I had gotten to late afternoon and felt really
sleepy. My husband George would be home soon, but I thought I would
take a quick cat nap before the dog went bananas (which he always
does when he hears the garage door go up. "Daddy's home!") I was
just getting into the sweet spot in my power nap and, dang it, the phone
rang.
It was a telemarketer. She asked for George. I said, on sleepy autopilot,
"He's not available at the moment, may I take a message?" She said
and I'm not kidding"No thank you; this was just a courtesy call." And
then she hung up immediately. Courtesy call? COURTESY CALL? I
went from cozy napper to boiling mad in 30 seconds.
I am about "that close" [picture my index finger and my thumb separated by about 3 millimeters] to dropping
our land line. I've been asked if I want my carpets cleaned, and we have hardwood floors. My favorite is
those who want to sell us aluminum siding when, if they drove past the house, they would see it is stucco.
Yes, we're on the federal Do Not Call list, https://www.donotcall.gov , and this probably helps, but we still
get unwanted calls on a regular basis. According to the Federal Trade Commission, telemarketers are
required to search the list every 31 days and remove any of these numbers from use, but I'm not sure how
often this happens in actual practice. There are some telemarketers exempt from the rulingamong them
are charities, political calls and those with whom you have an existing business relationship. The FTC
website also says that prerecorded messages (those annoying "Robocalls") are reportable offenders. For
all of the rulesand your rightscheck out the FTC consumer information here:
http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/alerts/alt107.shtm .
Up here in Minneapolis, we are afflicted with an ailment called "Minnesota Nice." It's just about impossible
for most of us to be assertive under any circumstances, even with blatant annoyances. But families should
be able to control who is important enough to wake babies from a nap or interrupt their precious dinner
hour.
Telemarketers don't make a lot of money, jobs are scarce, times are tough, and the constant rejection must
be brutal. I feel horrible about the whole thing. But I buy my phone service for my convenience, not theirs,
and they are beholden to federal law. Calling me, when I have officially registered as "off limits," is against
the law. We don't get calls from creditors, because we pay our bills. I owe these callers nothing. I'd love to
offer to help them write a resume so they can find a better job!
�There is lots of advice for dealing with this such as "Get Caller ID" or "block calls from unidentified
numbers." These cost me money to enact. "Don't answer your phone" doesn't help, because I have a loved
one who is dealing with chronic illness, and I want her to be able to contact me. In the most ironic
circumstances imaginable in this paradoxical world, this loved one of mine worked a short stint as a
telemarketer. This rips my heart out.
The conundrum is how to deal with them without being abusive yet get one's point across. Jerry Seinfeld's
method, from an episode of Seinfeld, is so cathartic to watch. Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=hllDWSbuDsQ . One of these days, I will have a momentary lapse in "Minnesota nice," and this Seinfeld
technique will slip out of me.
National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
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Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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Telemarketing: Don't Call Us...
Description
An account of the resource
The endless frustration of getting called by telemarketers during the dinner hour.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
telemarketing-dont-call-us
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
February 19, 2010
-
https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/6aeb6a59880c35722ec190411d9a56a1.pdf
c8bb1a88092920ab44bc0b7f02eed059
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A taxing week
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | March 01, 2010
Last week, on Facebook, I posted my "status" as feeling as if I were
"the guest of honor in a lifesize WhackoMole game." Details are
boring, but due to sheer coincidence, a lot of household craziness is
arriving in an Unharmonic Convergence of dogsitting, college visits for
our son, dental unpleasantness and more. The capstone was
yesterday, as I sorted the piles of documents that I hand off to my
husband as he fires up his tax software to do our taxes. I hate this
annual job. I don't mind paying taxesI just hate doing them. Anyway,
among the papers I was sorting, I found something very amusing and, for today's blog, I am going to
plagiarize the entire content of this document I found in my tax prep pile. Here it goes:
This page intentionally left blank.
National Council on Family Relations | 1201 West River Parkway · Suite 200 · Minneapolis, MN 55454 · 888.781.9331
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | © 2017. All rights reserved.
Web design by Gorton Studios
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
N equals 1 blog
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
n-equals-1
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Hello! I'm NCFR's blogger, Nancy Gonzalez. I am the former director of public affairs for NCFR<em>.</em> I have a Master's in Family Life Education from the University of Minnesota, and I'm a Certified Family Life Educator. I'm married to a great guy named George, a software engineer, and mother to our college age son, Eric. Our family also consists of a Border Collie named Beau and two calico kitties, Shelley and Shirley. I knew I wanted to study families at age 16. My blog is entitled <em>"The N = 1 Experiment"</em> to emphasize that my "findings" are anecdotal and therefore are my "1 person reflections." The topics I write about are based on the family studies field, my own family, current events, memoir and humor. Its contents are my opinion and my responsibility alone and not the official position of NCFR as an organization. I invite your comments!</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization. </em></p>
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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A taxing week
Description
An account of the resource
Taxes, paperwork, bureaucracy-- and a very funny sheet of paper.
Creator
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Identifier
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taxing-week
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
March 01, 2010