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Applying our resources...especially human
by Diane Cushman, Executive Director
Posted by Charles Cheesebrough | June 18, 2012
Teaching Family Science, the topic of this issue of Report’s Focus
Section, is aimed at a third of NCFR’s members whose primary
professional activity is university or college teaching. So numerous
were the submissions that we nearly doubled the size of the issue.
Our hope is that you will pull out the Focus section and save it for
future use and refer to it often along with our online Professional
Resource Library (PRL). In the PRL, you will find hundreds of
resources for teaching (as well as policy, research, theory, family
therapy, etc.), including curricula, lesson plans, syllabi, textbook
reviews, and best practices from your colleagues. NCFR.org is
quickly becoming the website of choice for professional resources
in family science.
A website is only as good as its keywords and “searchability,”
whether for use by members looking for that great video in last
week’s Zippy here in the Community Blog section or the plenary
sessions from the NCFR 2011 conference, or by nonmembers who
are trolling the internet for everything they can find on working with military families or parent education.
Thanks to the leadership of Jason Samuels, NCFR’s Manager of Information Technology, and Google
Grants for Nonprofits, NCFR has expanded its visibility and discoverability through free online
advertising. For program details visit Google Grants. Google ads show up on the right side of the
screen, adjacent to the middle column of site hits for a search. Our goal is to have more family
professionals find NCFR.
We recently asked NCFR members to update their information in the NCFR database. This information
is extremely helpful for program planning purposes so that we can continue to meet the diverse needs
of NCFR members. To encourage you to take the time to update your member record we will be giving
away a “door prize.” We do this because our experience has demonstrated a significantly higher rate of
participation when there is a chance at a free gift. Your chances of winning are far better than those of
the national lottery, but nonetheless, there will be only one winner. Good luck!
Members…the greatest resource
I want to take this opportunity to thank the leadership of several NCFR sections who have committed to
expanding the work of their sections beyond the creation of the annual conference program.
Thomas Holman, Research and Theory Section Chair, has developed and implemented a new
approach to annual conference planning, one that engages several members of the section in a
�planning committee approach.
Joanne Roberts, Chair of the Religion and Family Section, who has worked with her section to
develop a multiyear strategic plan.
Tammy Henderson, Family Policy Chair, who is holding monthly conference planning meetings with
the Family Policy Section executive committee and who also developed a Section Activities
Calendar and a new description of officer duties.
Each of these NCFR leaders presented these best practices at the April section chair training session in
Minneapolis. We are indebted to you for your vision and your willingness to give so generously of your
time to NCFR.
You’ll also be hearing from the Inclusion and Diversity Committee (IDC) with a series of demographic
and diversity questions on the first comprehensive NCFR member survey of its kind. Responses from
this survey will assist the NCFR Board and its committee by providing direction for future inclusion and
diversity work in NCFR.
The 2012 NCFR Annual Conference Program Planning Committee is in the final stages of program
planning. Thanks to all of you for submitting proposals, 619 of them. Be sure to check the website for
uptotheminute conference information.
Even while we look forward to 2012 in Phoenix, work is underway for the 75th anniversary meeting and
conference in San Antonio in 2013. If you are interested is assisting with the anniversary activities
planning, please contact Charlie Cheesebrough at charlescheesebrough@ncfr.org.
One final thank you is to the members who responded to our request for feedback on NCFR’s one
yearold website. You gave us the best and the worst, and now we will make changes to make the site
better meet your needs. We couldn’t make it better without your honest and direct feedback. Thanks
much.
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<p>Insights and musings on all things related to family science. We hope you'll join the conversation.</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization.</em></p>
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Applying our resources...especially human
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An account of the resource
This "Executive Review" article appeared in NCFR Report, Summer 2012
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Diane Cushman, Executive Director
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applying-our-resourcesespecially-human
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June 18, 2012
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Census data for U.S. states is rolling out
Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | March 18, 2011
The Census Bureau has begun providing summaries of 2010
Census population totals, as well as 2010 Census data on race,
Hispanic origin and voting age for multiple geographies within each
state. The Census Bureau will deliver the data statebystate on a
rolling basis through March. They also provide data that will be
used in the voter redistricting process. I've been especially
interested in the data from my home state of Minnesota. It's
fascinating! Curious? Check out the Census' 2010 page. Fun
Fact: the 2010 population for the entire U.S. is now 308,745,538.
You can also follow the Census on Facebook and sign up for their
email blasts on their "Get Involved" page.
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NCFR community blog
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ncfr-community-blog
Description
An account of the resource
<p>Insights and musings on all things related to family science. We hope you'll join the conversation.</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization.</em></p>
Text
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Census data for U.S. states is rolling out
Description
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Data from the 2010 Census is coming in.Links to the detailed information are provided here.
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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census-data-us-states-rolling-out
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March 18, 2011
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https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/712cccda2b226301d9b0bb21557a4e35.pdf
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Choosing between family and work
By Diane Cushman, Executive Director
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | March 02, 2012
Sometimes we have to choose between work and family. In early
January my mother had eye surgery. Unbeknownst to my sister
and me she had been dealing with cataracts for over 14 years and
finally reached the point where the eye doctor could not certify her
fit to drive a car. The prospect of missing Friday morning coffee (a 7
mile drive to the diner in the next town) with 7 of her high school
classmates (class of 1948) provided the motivation for mom to
consent to surgery. I planned several days out of the office to travel
the 300 miles from Minneapolis to southwestern Wisconsin and,
along with my sister, be there to support mom before, during and
after the surgery.
January is a quiet month for most NCFR members as many
universities are closed the better part of the month. However at
NCFR headquarters it's a busy time. We're wrapping up the fiscal
year, interpreting the postconference survey, doing performance
reviews, and planning the work for the year ahead. It's not a good
time to miss work.
Enter modern technology. I bought a wireless router and installed it in my mother's apartment and was
able to work remotely while assisting with her recovery. I was at her bedside when they wheeled her
into the operating room, and nearby when she called my sister into her apartment bathroom and asked,
"Has my bathroom always been this color lavender?" (It had been, and in fact mom had picked out the
color.) I was also there when mom realized that the football players on television were wearing orange
shoes. It was then I learned that the cataracts on her eyes had prevented her from seeing full color for
years. In fact she had lost much of her sight. This explained a lot of things including her reluctance to
finish a large needlepoint piece that was 95 percent complete; that she no longer drove the 50 miles to
Madison to shop; and the cobwebs on the ceiling of her apartment (she would "die" if she knew I was
writing this).
Since that first week in January mom has had her other eye done and can see quite well. What a gift
technology can be to families. This time I didn't have to choose between mom and NCFR.
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Title
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NCFR community blog
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ncfr-community-blog
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<p>Insights and musings on all things related to family science. We hope you'll join the conversation.</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization.</em></p>
Text
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Choosing between family and work
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Diane Cushman, NCFR's Executive Director, writes about the gift of technology and the options it affords to families trying to balance caregiving and a demanding career.
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Diane Cushman, Executive Director
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choosing-between-family-and-work
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March 02, 2012
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Text
In defense of the Helicopter Parent—it’s taking
longer to grow up
By Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | March 08, 2011
One of my favorite hobbies is to read NCFR members' books. I
recently read a book by NCFR member and my colleague Richard
Settersten, coauthored with Barbara Rey, titled Not Quite Adults:
Why 20Something are Choosing a Slower Path to Adulthood, and
Why it's Good for Everyone. "I couldn't put it down" is such a
hackneyed term that even high school essayists won't use it. But in
my case, it's true. I haven't plowed through a book this fast since
the Da Vinci Code.
Not Quite Adults explains the phenomenon of the lengthening
duration from high school graduation and attaining what has been
the experience of transitioning to adulthood of the past few decades. Young adults are meeting the
sociological markers of leaving home, finishing school, finding work, getting married and having kids in
a more lengthy and often reordered way.
The book had so much meaning for me, for three reasons. First, the content was coauthored by a first
rate scholar. Rick is Professor and the Director of the Hallie Ford Center for Healthy Children and
Families at Oregon State University. Moreover, I could identify with every word because I am the mom
of a transitioning adult. It affirmed what I am noticing intuitivelythat the time elapsing from adolescence
to adulthood, as it was defined back in my day, has stretched and that today's young adults need a
head start, including supportive parents, to make the leap.
Finally, it confirmed a trend that I began to see increasingly in my previous 15 year career as an
academic adviser at a Big Ten university. I worked a lot with older students, returning to college in their
late 20s or 30s. Typically, they had bailed out after a year or two of college due to lack of funds, or
some life circumstance of some kind (such as having a child) or because of some overall confusion or
lack of direction. They didn't have a safety net and, by the look of their transcripts, they hadn't found an
adviser who gave them a game plan. By the time they arrived at my desk, most of them needed well
over 60 semester credits and hundreds and hundreds of dollars in tuition. I saw a steady stream of
prospective students in my career who had no savings and were sometimes living hand to mouth. They
could just not scrape up the money to start over. Furthermore, they recognized the precarious situation
they were in and were reluctant to pursue student loans even though it would be the best investment
long term. The authors describe the concepts of "good debt" and "bad debt." A car depreciates the
minute you drive it off the lot. A college education just keeps paying dividends throughout a lifetime.
�The authors are especially interested in understanding some of the differences between "swimmers"
and "treaders." Swimmers get off to the right start. They have a leg up due to booster parents or a
fortuitous combination of mentoring and funding. They are able to attain higher education, then a job,
and then pursue homeownership and family formation once they are financially established. Treaders
get sidelined due to cumulative disadvantage and, in the absence of the right kind of encouragement
and support, they are constantly playing catchup and can't get a foothold on life's ladder.
Get ready for some mythbusting backed by bulletproof scholarly data. The media is rife with
judgmental conventional wisdom that what we have here is a "failure to launch." The authors stress the
modern truth: " ... what's different today is that the stakes on all fronts are much higher. Poor judgments
and small mistakes on the road to adulthood are all substantially more perilous than they were just a
decade ago. In an increasingly winnertakesall society, there is little room for missteps. With missteps,
the opportunity to succeedthe bedrock of Americafades. The result: a world that opens up widely to
some while narrowing for others, with a shrinking middle in between."
Finally, for parents like me, this book removes the shame that society is attempting to foist on us... that
we are crippling our young adults by not tossing them out of nest to "sink" or "swim." There are horror
stories of overinvolvementsuch as enmeshed parents calling professors or employers to intercede for
their childrenbut there has never been more need for a mentoring parent in a couple generations.
Our son, if we have anything to say about it, is going to get a full ride through a Bachelor's degree and,
after he completes his degree, he is welcome to live with Dad and I, to come and go as he pleases,
until he has his first job and can sock away a little cash. My favorite quote from the entire book is this:
"Involved parents, and even the helicopter parents of media fame, aren't so bad after allespecially in
contrast with parents who give no support at all. It's far worse to have uninvolved parents than it is to
have superinvolved ones. Rather than a sign of weakness, involved parents provide young people with
advantages, including advice, funds, a roof and a bed, and connections. "
This is where the book launches the rest of us NCFR members into our responsibilities and what we
can donamely, start a dialog about launching the young adult in the form of family life education. What
does being a healthy springboard for our children look like? And what is the point of overdoing? Right
now I'm muddling through with the guideline of teaching him to fish. We need parent education for a
new developmental stageand fast. The rules have changed, and this trend is here to say.
This book is a fantastic read about a critical change in our society. It's in paperback and is therefore
quite affordable. I couldn't recommend it more.
If you're an auditory learner, Rick gave a wonderful interview on American Public Radio's Marketplace
recently. I also direct interested readers to the rich research available on the website for the MacArthur
Foundation's Network on Transitions to Adulthood, of which Rick is one of the renowned scholars.
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Title
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NCFR community blog
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<p>Insights and musings on all things related to family science. We hope you'll join the conversation.</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization.</em></p>
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In defense of the Helicopter Parent
Description
An account of the resource
<p><em>A book review:</em></p><p><em>Not Quite Adults</em> explains the phenomenon of the lengthening duration from high school graduation and attaining what has been the experience of transitioning to adulthood of the past few decades. Young adults are meeting the sociological markers of leaving home, finishing school, finding work, getting married and having kids in a more lengthy and often reordered way. </p>
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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defense-helicopter-parent-it-s-taking-longer-grow
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March 08, 2011
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https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/912a68ea49ebca914dfdc3d1e0c44698.pdf
995bc2a08409353f5601c9a21cb672cc
PDF Text
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Disaster preparedness and the petrified pantry
By Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | August 26, 2011
This morning I write with a heavy heart. Hurricane Irene is swirling
in the Atlantic. The projected paths as of 8 am on Friday August 26
predict it will hit most of the eastern seaboard beginning tomorrow.
Officials are advising evacuation in some areas and voluntary
evacuation in others.
The governor of Maryland, Martin O'Malley, gave some great
advice last evening on CNN. He told his citizens that if they will be
sheltering in place, they need to have enough supplies to take care
of their own families for 72 hours. He emphasized that there WILL be power outages, there WILL be
fallen trees and other damage. The emergency response personnel will be overwhelmed up and down
the coast, they cannot be everywhere, and it's everyone's responsibility to prepare.
This morning there are wide reports of stores running out of bottled water, batteries and readytoeat
foods. The problem is that it's human nature to put things off until the last day or two. Preparedness
should be a 365 day plan.
I am not perfect with infallible foresight, no sirree. I got bitten by the preparedness bug after 9/11. We
have bottled water and had lots of canned food and dried foods squirreled away. I dedicated one
cupboard for my preparedness pantry. Great, right? Well, about a month ago our son, who was home
from college for the summer, asked me, "Momwhen was the last time you checked the freshness
dates on all of these foods?" "I dunno," I said. "They may be a couple of years old."
My son took it upon himself to go through the food stock and cull out the things that were past their
prime which, as it turned out, was everything. I came home and found all of the stuff bagged up for the
garbage. "Eric! What have you done!" I said. He started handing me a few cans and said, "Look at the
sellby dates on these! In an emergency, would you actually eat this stuff? " Gulp, no. Almost everything
was dated 2006. [cringe] That's all we'd need in a disaster; botulism on top of everything else.
My point is that preparedness is an ongoing task. It's getting supplies together, but then regularly
checking to see that the pantry is up to date. The 10th anniversary of 9/11 is just a few days away.
Maybe we can set 9/11 as our annual dates to check on our supplies and make sure we're ready.
Here is FEMA's latest statement about Hurricane Irene: http://blog.fema.gov/2011/08/ireneupdate10
preparationshappening.html Here is a link to the CDC's family preparedness advice.
http://emergency.cdc.gov/preparedness . To our NCFR members on the East Coast, I'm thinking about
you and praying for the best. I hope that in a few days we can all sing "Goodnight, Irene" with no
tragedies.
�Now I have to get on the stick and restock my disaster pantry.
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ncfr-community-blog
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<p>Insights and musings on all things related to family science. We hope you'll join the conversation.</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization.</em></p>
Text
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Disaster preparedness and the petrified pantry
Description
An account of the resource
This morning I write with a heavy heart. Hurricane Irene is swirling in the Atlantic. The projected paths as of 8 am on Friday August 26 predict it will hit most of the eastern seaboard beginning tomorrow. Officials are advising evacuation in some areas and voluntary evacuation in others.
Creator
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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disaster-preparedness-and-petrified-pantry
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August 26, 2011
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https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/ed99198ce94cce1ccfabbc68418bf03a.pdf
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Text
Doing the Right Thing: Assembly Required
by Dr. Jane Gilgun
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | December 08, 2011
Doing the right thing is a part of our DNA. Human beings could not
exist if we did not have an inbuilt sense that what we do affects
other people. We have created art, technology, and literature that
benefit the creators but also benefit uncountable other people. On
the other hand, there are times when we do the wrong thing.
Think of Joe Paterno, the recently fired coach of the Penn State
Football team. Joe has done much goodbuilding up libraries,
endowing professorships, benching star athletes when they don't
go to class, and being an all around outstanding human being. Yet,
he turned a blind eye to the alleged sexual abuse that one of his
assistant coaches committed in the showers of the locker room of
Penn State.
Paterno followed the letter of the law and reported the sexual abuse
to University administrators. He did nothing else to protect children.
He knew the coach still had open access to children through a
foundation the assistant coach had founded.
Paterno said that in hindsight he knows he should have done more. He is praying for the victims. I
expect he will do many other things to make up for his inaction.
Doing the Wrong Thing
Joe Paterno is not the only person with an impeccable reputation, or even an everyday good reputation
who does the wrong thing. Many people knew about the killing of the Jews in Nazi Germany and did
nothing. During World War II, the ship the St. Louis carried almost 1000 Jews from country to country
asking for asylum. They were turned down. The ship returned to Germany and many of these
passengers died in concentration camps.
That so many people knew of the killing of the Jews and others the Nazis did not like caused world
wide concern. Stanley Milgram performed experiments to try to understand why good people do bad
things. He set up situations where some students were "teachers" and others were "learners." The
"teachers" were told to push a button that caused an electric shock when the "learners" could not learn
the lesson.
The lesson was to learn word pairs. For each wrong answer, the "teachers" were told to increase the
intensity of the shock. The "teachers" could not see the "learners," but they could hear the screams,
cries, and banging on furniture and walls. Most of the "teachers" continued to give shocks, some up to
�450 volts. Milgram and others replicated this experiment several times with other students in other
places. The "teachers" did not know that the "learners" were actors who received no shocks at all.
In the 1970s, Stanford University Professor Phil Zimbardo did an experiment where some students
played prison guards and others played prisoners. Within a short period of time, the student prison
guards became sadistic. They deprived "prisoners" of food, water, and sleep. They sprayed "prisoners"
with foam from fire extinguishers and stripped them naked.
There are many other examples of the terrible things that apparently good people do. That good people
can do bad things is hard to accept. Those of us who know about such terrible deeds ask, "How can
they do such things?" I don't know whether those of us who wonder these things also realize that many
people who have done such things experience lifelong guilt. The deed, however, is done. They cannot
undo the harm they have done.
Ironically, those of us who ask, "How can they do such things?" may have done some bad things
themselves. There are, of course, degrees of harm. Yelling at a child might not be as egregious as
murder, rape, extortion, and stealing from the poor to enrich themselves but doing anything that hurts
others is wrong.
Admit We Have Done Wrong
So, what do we do so that we live up to our senses of ourselves as good people? There are two
avenues to pursue. What to do when we have harmed others and what to do to prevent ourselves from
harming others in the first place.
Doing Harm: Detaching from the Humanity of Others
If we have hurt others, we have to admit it, learn how to take responsibility for the harm we cause,
make reparation for the harm, and do all we can not to do such harm again.
Survival
When we harm others, we have detached from their humanity and caught up in something else, such
as what we want is more important than the other person. What we want could be survival. In these
circumstances, we believe that if we speak up for someone else, we could be killed, or we could be
excluded from the group. At these decision points, the instinct for our own survival outweighs our
concern for others.
Authority
Some people who have harmed others by doing nothing often say that they were obeying someone
with authority over them. They could have been afraid of what would happen to them if they disobeyed.
One man, a combat veteran, said that his captain put a gun to his head and said, "You shoot or I will kill
you." So he shot the women and children lined up against the wall in front of him. When he got leave
and went home, the police found him walking down the street in the middle of the night naked. He was
in a locked psychiatric ward for 90 days. The psychiatrists said he had had a psychotic break related to
combat trauma. He had no prior history of mental illness.
The students in the Milgram experiment said they were obeying authority. They did so despite the
screams, cries, and banging that resulted from their administration of shocks. I don't know if anyone
helped them with their guilt afterward. For them, shocking others must have seemed like a good idea at
the time. I believe that many enjoyed themselves. The thrill of power sometimes blots out concern for
others.
Belonging & Having Fun
Other circumstances associated with doing the wrong thing is the desire to be part of a group. This is
called groupthink, which can be quite powerful. The desire to belong and the sense of joy and safety in
�belonging can outweigh concerns for others. There are many documented instances where otherwise
good people get involved in violence. An example is college students who whoop and holler during
gang rapes. The excitement of being part of a group and the "fun" of it outweighs concerns for the
person being raped. Later, many feel terrible about what they had participated in.
Having Fun & Guilt Afterward
The students in the Stanford Prison Experiment abused the power they had abused the "prisoners." I
have no doubt many enjoyed themselves. They whooped and hollered with the other "guards" just as
the U.S. soldiers did at Abu Gharib prison in Baghdad during the invasion of Iraq in the mid 2000s.
Those people had FUN tormenting others. I would think the guilt that followed these terrible actions was
a practically debilitating burden.
Preventing Ourselves from Harming Others in the First Place
The old saying, "It seemed like a good thing at the time," has some merit. When people act badly
toward others, they feel good about it. In their minds, they are doing the right thing. They believe at the
time that people deserve to be treated badly, or, it feels really good to make people scream and cry, or,
they believe that their actions do not really hurt anyone, or they enjoy being part of a group, or it is
better that I survive than act on behalf of others.
There are many possible ways not to fall into these kinds of behaviors. I will make some suggestions.
My suggestions are not in the order of importance. What is of highest priority to one person may not be
the highest priority for another.
Watch for Sensations of Unreality
One of the first signs that we are about to do something harmful is a sense of not being all there. There
can be physical sensations in the head and abdominal area. Somehow we are outside of ourselves,
almost as if we are watching ourselves do bad things to others. Feelings of unreality can be quite
pleasant. It fact, anticipating doing something hurtful to others can be a pleasant rush. Resist the pull to
go with those sensations.
About the Author
Jane F. Gilgun is a writer and professor. She does research on the meanings of violence to
perpetrators, how persons overcome adversities, and the development of violent behaviors. She is a
professor at the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities, USA, School of Social Work. See Professor
Gilgun's other articles, children's stories, and books on scribd.com, Kindle, and iBooks.
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<p>Insights and musings on all things related to family science. We hope you'll join the conversation.</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization.</em></p>
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Doing the Right Thing: Assembly Required
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Doing the right thing is part of our truer, deeper selves. Yet everyday uncountable numbers of human beings do terrible things to each other. This article examines several circumstances that can get in the way when we actually want to do the right thing. (This item is posted on the NCFR Community Blog; readers may add comments.)
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doing-right-thing-assembly-required
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December 08, 2011
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2e33703b8fe11bcf1fe03e83506970ef
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Family Life Education in Historical Perspective
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | October 30, 2009
This year is our twentyfourth anniversary of NCFR's conferring of
the Certified Family Life Educator credential. And yet, formally, the
field is still relatively young. But family life educators have always
been aroundwe've just been called different things. Historically,
parenting wisdom has been passed from generation to generation.
Marriage advice has been offered by friends or clergy. And then
there are the Old Wives' Tales.
I collect vintage family life education materials. With books and
brochures, I'm sure I have over 100 now. I find them at used
bookstores, on the internet and at estate sales. My oldest piece, and my treasure, is a book on the
sociology of the family from the 1880s. I've got Ernest Burgess', Ernest Groves', Evelyn Duvall's and
Elizabeth Forces' classic books and lots of brochures from the Children's Bureau as well as pamphlets
on caring for baby that were created by hospitals to send home with new mothers. (It seems that the
vintage ones were aimed at mothers.) What I expected to read when I began my collection is a
compilation of laughable counsel. What I'm amazed about is just how often the vintage works got things
right.
Parenting materials became more popular beginning in the 1920s, if my library is representative of the
field. However, I've found that in the early 1900s, parenting advice was available in etiquette books. I
have a book called The New Book of Etiquette, by Lillian Eichler, from 1934 that has a chapter
specifically about etiquette for children. It is almost 100% parent education. Here are some highlights:
It is always a great temptation for an indulgent parent to yield to a child. It is so easy to stop a fit of
crying with a candy or end a fit of childish temper with a toy. But "peace at any price" is costly in child
training, and is often disastrous to the child's developing personality.
It goes without saying that one must have the grace to overlook tiny faults that cannot possibly grow
into bad habits. One must not nag youngsters until they fear to act naturally.
Infinite patience is required in the training of children. Never under any circumstances lose your temper,
or use words the child may remember and repeat, to your embarrassment.
Another fundamental on which parents can depend in teaching language to children is the passion for
repetition. The same old story told for the hundredth time delights the youngstereven more than a new
storyfor he likes the thrill of recognizing characters and incidents.
Mothers do children a grave injustice by forcing them to wear clothes they do not like or in which they
do not feel comfortable. Every normal child is born with the urge for physical activity; and clothes that,
�for one reason or another, hamper this natural urge do more damage than might be supposed.
Not too bad, is it? There are "fads" in parenting opinion that have gone in and out. In the 1920s, there
was real anxiety about toilet training and regularity. Beginning in the 50s, there seemed to be a new
recognition in popular materials that adolescence is a distinct stage, providing "dating" guidance. True,
there are some that have made me laughone is a brochure on menarche for girls with the title
Modess... because. (Because what? Menstruation was too taboo to mention, obviously.) The old
etiquette books on "courting" protocols from the turn of the last century are now painfully dated given
today's reality of STDs and hookups. Sadly, the vintage materials make almost no mention of Intimate
Partner Violence. I have one publication on advice for new husbands that barely skirts the issue; it
mainly urges men to be kind to their wives.
The future of family life education will undoubtedly be as interesting as its history. Myths are still being
debunked. The Baby Einstein fad is officially overread this article from the New York Times; Disney is
now offering refunds to parents who purchased these tapes. Quoting from the article, "Despite their
ubiquity, and the fact that many babies are transfixed by the videos, the American Academy of
Pediatrics recommends no screen time at all for children under 2." Looking back is fun... looking ahead
will be fun, too. I can't wait to see what the future of my field holds!
Note: In anticipation of a question I might be asked, no, I do not lend these materials. I did it once and
almost didn't get them back. However, for any NCFR member who is working on a project about the
history of family life education, I would be happy to go through my collection and offer references,
referrals and help in any way I can.
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<p>Insights and musings on all things related to family science. We hope you'll join the conversation.</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization.</em></p>
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Family Life Education in Historical Perspective
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I collect vintage family life education materials.
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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family-life-education-historical-perspective
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October 30, 2009
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58c7b895441de7052d300d8060721bdf
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Family StudiesThe Decade in Review
By Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | July 20, 2010
Every 10 years since 1970, NCFR has published a collection of
articles written by expert scholars on a breadth of topics in our
field. The 2010 Decade in Review is the June 2010 issue of the
Journal of Marriage and Family. If you were a member of NCFR in
June, you received this fabulous publication. If you were not a
member, just look what you missed. Here is its Table of Contents.
(Don't worry, I'll tell you how to order it.)
Demographic Trends in the United States: A Review of Research
in the 2000s by Andrew Cherlin
Filling the Glass: Gender Perspectives on Families by Myra Marx
Ferree
Critical Race Theories, Colorism, and the Decade's Research on Families of Color by Linda M.
Burton, Eduardo BonillaSilva, Victor Ray, Rose Buckelew, and Elizabeth Hordge Freeman
Poverty and the American Family: A Decade in Review by Kathryn Edin and Rebecca Joyce
Kissane
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Families by Timothy J. Biblarz and Evren Savci
Connecting Complex Processes: A Decade of Research on Immigrant Families by Jennifer E. Glick
"Families" in International Context: Comparing Institutional Effects across Western Societies by
Lynn Prince Cooke and Janeen Baxter
Family Risk and Resilience in the Context of War and Terrorism by Shelley M. MacDermid
Wadsworth
Partnering Across the Life Course: Sex, Relationships, and Mate Selection by Sharon Sassler
Diversity in Pathways to Parenthood: Patterns, Implications, and Emerging Research Directions by
Pamela J. Smock and Fiona Rose Greenland
Families with Children and Adolescents: A Review, Critique, and Future Agenda by Robert Crosnoe
and Shannon E. Cavanagh
Parenthood, Childlessness, and Wellbeing: A Life Course Perspective by Debra Umberson,
Tetyana Pudrovska, and Corinne Reczek
Marriage in the New Millennium: A Decade in Review by Frank D. Fincham and Steven H. Beach
Research on Divorce: Continuing Trends and New Developments by Paul R. Amato
�Remarriage and Stepfamilies: Strategic Sites for Family Scholarship in the 21st Century by Megan
M. Sweeney
Socioeconomic Status, Family Processes, and Individual Development by Rand D. Conger,
Katherine J. Conger, and Monica J. Martin
Work and Family Research in the First Decade of the 21st Century by Suzanne M. Bianchi and
Melissa A. Milkie
Conflict, Power, and Violence in Families by Kristin L. Anderson
Advances in Families and Health Research in the 21st Century by Deborah Carr and Kristen W.
Springer
Biosocial Influences on the Family: A Decade Review by Brian M. D'Onofrio and Benjamin B. Lahey
Family Policy: Becoming a Field of Inquiry and Subfield of Social Policy by Karen Bogenschneider
and Thomas Corbett
Are you interested in ordering itjust one for yourself or several to use as a classroom text? This
special Journal of Marriage and Family June 2010 edition, can be ordered from Wiley's customer
service department at 8008356770, either by the professor or university bookstore. Orders will need to
specify that this is for volume 72, issue 3 of the journal. Individual copies are $29.50. Bookstores can
order in bulk at a 20% discount. Issues will then be shipped to the bookstore's address. If the professor
orders for a class, the price is also $29.50 with a 20% discount, and copies will be delivered to the
professor (not individual addresses). Orders will be taken by credit card only. Order soon delivery will
be approximately one month from order date. Please note that no returns on journal orders are
accepted. Due to contractual agreement with our publisher, these journals will not be available via
NCFR headquarters they must be ordered via our publisher, Wiley.
This issue of JMF is a "keeper." Order it today!
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<p>Insights and musings on all things related to family science. We hope you'll join the conversation.</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization.</em></p>
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Family Studies--The Decade in Review
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Every 10 years since 1970, NCFR has published a collection of articles written by expert scholars on a breadth of topics in our field. The 2010 Decade in Review is the June 2010 issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family.
Creator
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE
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family-studies-decade-review
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July 20, 2010
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https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/744ad48e5b69ca6b86d67999fdde0828.pdf
62a2bd722c7b54fd66e9d85f51e45607
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Founding Committee Recognized at CFLE 25th
Anniversary Celebration Dinner
by Dawn Cassidy, CFLE, Education Director
Posted by Dawn Cassidy | December 29, 2010
Over 160 people attended the CFLE Dinner in Minneapolis on
November 3rd. The evening provided an opportunity to celebrate
the 25th anniversary of the Certified Family Life Educator (CFLE)
designation and to recognize the people responsible for its
success.
The program consisted of a number of updates regarding the status
of the program and current and future projects. CFLE Forum
Facilitator, Bryce Dickey, provided information on some of the
projects planned for 2011 including a Practitioners Resource Library
and a Career Center promotion specifically for practitioner positions. CFLE Tammy Whitten shared
information on the implementation of a Family Life Education Month, slated for February. Sharon
Ballard, Chair of the CFLE Advisory Board, presented a report of the activities of the Advisory Board
over the past year. Mary Bold, NCFR Academic Program Liaison, presented information on NCFR's
plans for a clearing house of NCFRapproved academic courses available online. Lane Powell, Chair
of the Academic Program Review Committee, recognized eight schools with newly approved CFLE
programs, and 14 renewed programs.
The evening also provided an opportunity to launch the newly revised Family Life Education
Framework poster. David Bredehoft and Michael Walcheski, both of Concordia University in St.
Paul, MN, have continued their service to NCFR by editing the third edition of the FLE Framework. The
new poster and PowerPoint are now available for purchase via the NCFR website.
The highlight of the evening came under the capable emceeing skills of former NCFR President
Sharon Price. Sharon was a member of the original Committee on Standards and Criteria for the
Certification of Family Life Educators. This Committee developed the CFLE Standards and Criteria,
over 25 years ago. Eight of the original 14 members were able to attend the CFLE Dinner! In
recognition of the tremendous contribution the Committee has made to NCFR and to families
everywhere, the Committee was presented with the CFLE of the Year award. CFLE Advisory Board
Chair, Sharon Ballard presented the group with a crystal plaque which included the names of all of the
Committee members. The plaque will be displayed at the NCFR headquarters in Minneapolis.
The Committee worked very hard over a number of years and at their own personal cost to develop the
CFLE criteria. Sharon shared that while the group worked very hard, they also took the time to have
some fun. Apparently there was a tradition of circulating a Ken doll, (in honor of the Committee Chair,
Ken Davidson), from meeting to meeting. Each person bestowed with the doll had to bring it to the next
�meeting with a new outfit. I was extremely honored when Ken retrieved the doll from the shoe box in
which it had been stored for the past many years and presented it to me! While a lighthearted tradition,
the significance of being trusted with the doll was not lost on me!
All in all it was a wonderful evening and an opportunity to enjoy each other's company and celebrate
the importance of the CFLE designation in promoting family life education.
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An account of the resource
<p>Insights and musings on all things related to family science. We hope you'll join the conversation.</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization.</em></p>
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Founding Committee Recognized at CFLE 25th Anniversary Celebration Dinner
Description
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<p>Over 160 people attended the CFLE Dinner in Minneapolis on November 3<sup>rd</sup>. The evening provided an opportunity to celebrate the 25<sup>th</sup> anniversary of the Certified Family Life Educator (CFLE) designation and to recognize the people responsible for its success. </p>
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Dawn Cassidy, CFLE, Education Director
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founding-committee-recognized-cfle-25th-anniversary-celebration-dinner
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December 29, 2010
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https://archive.ncfr.org/files/original/99d30a5780c7f389f7e1b1c49b257403.pdf
05899fe205886f9593aeb5e25264657a
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Genealogy—the other kind of family research
by Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE, Editor of NCFR Report
Posted by Nancy Gonzalez | December 20, 2012
This column appeared in the winter 2013 issue of NCFR
Report magazine.
Last Labor Day weekend, I spent some time with members of my
family. I mean very old family members. I mean really old family
members. I mean relatives who have been dead for decades!
Ancestry.com, a leading genealogy website, had a free research
weekend over Labor Day. They have the 1940 U.S. Census in
searchable format now. (Not even census.gov has it available yet.) I
have been interested in my family history for over 15 years but
have not been able to devote very much time to it yet. In 1997,
through a connection made with a third cousin in Stockholm, I
visited Sweden to look up my roots. Don’t let the name “Gonzalez”
fool you—that name was a wedding present. I am 100% Swedish
American. More on this later.
Genealogy is a popular hobby, if reality TV is any indication. Two series this past year focused on family
genealogy. On PBS, Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates, Jr., hosted “Finding Your Roots.” His
investigators researched the family histories of public figures such as Sanjay Gupta, Martha Stewart,
Condoleezza Rice, Samuel L. Jackson, Stephen Colbert and many more. You can watch these videos
on the PBS website. Similarly, NBC just finished its third season of their genealogy program, “Who Do
You Think You Are?” Celebrities including Martin Sheen, Helen Hunt, Rob Lowe, Reba McEntire and a
whole starstudded list of subjects have had their family genealogy traced. Watch these online on the
NBC website. In both series, I have found it impossible to tear myself away from these compelling
stories. I don’t want to be a spoiler and ruin any of these episodes’ conclusions. What is universal,
however, is how every person they researched had a “surprise” of some kind and how they all were
intensely interested in the information. Some laughed. Some looked as if they were on the verge of
tears. Clearly, for most, this new information had a meaningful effect on them. There’s a whole subset
of human development research and theory on identity. How many of us could find some added
meaning to our existence by finding out who our ancestors were?
My favorite ancestor was my greatgreat grandmother, Maria. She was born in 1841 in northern
Sweden and lived most of her life there. She had three children: a son, Nels Alfred (my great
grandfather), and two daughters, Katherine and Frieda. Frieda stayed in Sweden, but Nels Alfred and
Katherine emigrated just after 1900. Their mother Maria came with them. She was in her 60s at the
time. They settled in northern Minnesota. The most interesting thing about Maria is that nobody knows
for sure who the father of her children was. In other words, I have a greatgreat grandfather somewhere
�who fathered Nels Alfred. Who was he? Why wasn’t he a part of their lives? This is where genealogy
gets really fascinating. Sometimes you follow one lead and get nowhere. Then, sometimes, as it was for
me, with a little circumstantial evidence you can make some educated guesses.
Greatgreat grandma Maria never married. This we know. According to the Swedish census about the
time she was having babies around 1870, she listed her occupation as a domestic worker. My cousin
researched the records for the father of all three children, and none was named. When I was in
Sweden, my cousin and I visited this local parish, where the old birth records are maintained, and we
talked to the minister. Swedish birth records are known to be remarkably complete. The minister
confirmed this and told us that putative fathers were almost always listed, even if it was embarrassing
information. We asked the minister why no father is listed for Maria’s three children. He got an
interesting look on his face, as if he’d answered this question before —awkwardly. He said that in most
of these cases, the father was the one keeping the records. In other words, the father was probably the
parish minister at the time. Following that lead, we got the name of that minister and looked him up in
the Swedish records. Maria was the domestic worker for that minister. He had no children and his wife
was listed as an “invalid.”
Maria’s obituary from 1924 lists her as a “Mrs.” Obviously the “Mrs.” was either a social gift or she told
people that she was married back in Sweden and people took her at her word. She died in a tragic way
at age 82; she froze to death. She had bad eyesight and got lost during the night walking in subzero
weather. The family legends about her have filtered down here and there. I was told that the father of all
three children was the same person. I was told that the reason she emigrated as an older woman was
that “the reason to stay there no longer existed.” (Did her partner die?) She lived in her own one room
shack on her daughter Katherine’s property. I was told that she helped build that shack and that she
wanted to live by herself. Who knows exactly what’s true?
What difference does it make? Not much. Nothing in my daytoday life has changed. But I am proud
that I’m the descendent of a strong woman. The few facts I have about her tell me a lot. Any unwed
mother in rural Sweden circa 1870 had to be as tough as nails. Her “Scarlet Letter” no doubt left
her with the hide of a rhinoceros. She emigrated late in life—she was willing to make a dramatic
change. And she wanted her own space, enough so that she refused to live with her adult children.
Some pieces of family information matter to me while it may not matter to anyone else. My parents had
twins, a boy and a girl, born prematurely 11 years before I was born. They only lived a day and were
never named. My parents rarely spoke of them. The irony is that I found out about these siblings when
the 1970 Census worker was sitting at the kitchen table with my parents. I was in the next room and
overheard the conversation. I heard my mom tell the Census worker that they had two children who
were dead—it was devastating to hear that accidentally. I asked my mother about them then, and
occasionally thereafter, and she would only give one word answers—it clearly was not something she
wanted to discuss. One thing she stressed to me multiple times, however, is that they had been
baptized. A nurse baptized them immediately in the delivery room. This is the kind of information that is
really interesting and it speaks to someone’s belief system. My mom thought it was more important that
they were baptized than that they were named.
The U.S. Census from 1940 was just made public last April. Census records are sealed for 70 years to
make sure that any family secrets are kept until most everyone in the household is dead. On Labor Day
weekend, I used the free weekend membership to find out if another family legend was true. I was told
that one of my grandfather’s sisters fled a horrible domestic violence situation. The 1940 Census had
the answer, albeit via circumstantial evidence. In 1940 she had a married name, she was 24, and she
had a 5yearold daughter. They were both living with her father, the aforementioned Nels Alfred, my
great grandfather, and no husband was with her in that domicile. I was delighted to see that I had
�another resilient woman in my past! At age 24, she had gathered enough strength to leave an abusive
husband and take her daughter with her.
One piece of advice I would give younger genealogy enthusiasts is to “start early.” I began interviewing
elderly relatives when I was in my early 30s. If I started now, it would be a lot harder—maybe
impossible—to track down this much information. Genealogy archives are already established in public
records all over the world and, with the internet, these are getting more accessible every day. If all you
want are names and dates, there’s no hurry here. What is lost quickly are all the stories about what
people were like or stories such as my siblings’ baptism. By the third generation, the oral history begins
to fade fast. Write everything down. Take photos of people who are alive and photos of headstones if
they aren’t.
Family genealogy research can tell us important medical information. Death certificates list the cause of
death. Other health information may be something that you only suspect. Maria was visually impaired
later in life. Did she have diabetes? It runs strongly in that branch of the family. There is almost no
cancer in my family, but diabetes and alcoholism have touched each generation. Having a few years of
health information can be useful. Since many diseases have a genetic basis, knowing one’s family
history can help you be on guard for regular health screenings. It’s also interesting to read about one’s
ancestors and note personality traits or areas of interest. One of my greatgrandfathers was civic
minded; he hosted, in his home, the first meeting in which the little town of Strandquist, Minnesota, was
incorporated. I love politics and civic engagement! Could this be why?
What I take from family research is not just “who they were,” but also, by inference, “what might I have
the capacity to become?” Might I have inherited a distinctive trait from one of my ancestors? When I am
facing one of life’s challenges, I often think about Maria. Might I have inherited some of her moxie?
Maybe I can be like her. I can be strong. I can be independent. I can make changes in my life at any
age. After all, I’ve got at least 170 years of life experience.
Epilogue
How can you find out whether you are susceptible to the genealogy bug? Here’s a free test. Go to
findagrave.com . Enter information about a family member—or even a deceased celebrity—into the
search engine. Did you find something interesting? Do you want to know more? If so, congratulations!
You have a new hobby! I would love to hear your stories about the surprises you find.
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ncfr-community-blog
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An account of the resource
<p>Insights and musings on all things related to family science. We hope you'll join the conversation.</p>
<p><em>The views expressed in this blog may not represent the views of the entire NCFR organization.</em></p>
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Title
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Genealogy
Description
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This column appeared in the winter 2013 issue of NCFR Report magazine.
Creator
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Nancy Gonzalez, CFLE, Editor of NCFR Report
Identifier
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genealogy-other-kind-family-research
Date
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December 20, 2012